108
by norowareta
Summary: One hundred and eight ways to get through a scary situation… Kaoru couldn’t call to mind one. That was why he was trying to laugh at it, but there was a reason why the laughter was tinged with hysteria. He was petrified. Complete
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

There are one hundred and eight ways to get through a scary situation. That is, if you could believe everything you read. But the truth was NOT ONE of them covered the current situation, and if one did, this situation might have scared the shit out of him just a little less.

It was his own fault, really. For staying behind late after school at the end of the week to study. For sending Hikaru home early, when he could have helped him with his work instead. His own fault for not even looking twice at the faces of the people in his parents' employ, for not noticing – until it was too late, until he was being pulled into his own car, license plates tooled off by the psycho who had shoved him, hands tied, inside with a bruising kiss to silence him, and an 'I-love-you' thrown at him as if it was a reassurance.

One hundred and eight ways to get through a scary situation… Kaoru couldn't call to mind one. That was why he was trying to laugh at it, but there was a reason why the laughter, when it rippled up through his chest and stopped against the gag, was tinged with hysteria. He was petrified.

He wrenched his mind from that thought, tried to breathe, think of something else. A modern version, a rewrite of the old tome Haruhi had borrowed once would carry a few more useful gems. Your elbow is strong: use it. Aim for the crotch if you can. Punch out a tail light and wave frantically – apparently all of those had saved lives.

Commoners' lives. Most of those were pretty defunct if your hands are bound, or if you're stuck in a top-of-the-range vehicle that wasn't so cheap as to make the tail lights easy to get to from this side. His parents didn't buy crap, and just this once, he wished they did.

The car screeched to a stop again and he was slammed into the back seats with the inertia. The engine had stopped and he was actually relieved. It had been an hour, maybe more, he'd started to feel ill from the motion, and although dazed from the repeated knocks he thinks maybe he'd be able to attract some attention if he was fast enough.

The car shook as a door slammed shut, and his mind quickly shifted gear, because he didn't think he'd be able to make it. One hundred and eight reasons to survive measured themselves against the crunch of footsteps, and if he could just keep count, like with paper cranes, it would be over.

To go home. To find safety in Hikaru's arms and never move from them again. To look back on this and laugh, because it had to be some kind of bad joke. The host club. Family. Video games. Tono. Haruhi. Commoner Coffee. Hikaru.

Hikaru…

The trunk whooshed open and he blinked against the torchlight shining in his eyes.

The man – man? No, he couldn't be much older than him - behind the torch whispered something that made Kaoru's skin crawl and his stomach lurch from more than just travel sickness. He murmured assurances Kaoru knew he couldn't believe, traced him with foreign hands, his cheeks, his nose, his jaw bone.

"Don't cry, pretty… I don't want to see you cry."

Was he? A blindfold was drawn over his eyes before he could tell, and something rose in Kaoru's mind as he was lifted out of the car, set on his feet and led to god-only-knew where. Haruhi's voice, reading, suddenly became Hikaru's,

"Ways to get through scary situations, number one: Endure it, and it'll be over soon."

* * *

Normally, Hikaru and Kaoru would be enjoying their Friday evening playing video games, watching a film, or plotting their latest acts for the Host Club the following week – sometimes all three, and quite often, all three at once.

They weren't.

Hikaru had fallen asleep waiting for Kaoru to get home. He didn't tend to, but he supposed it had been a particularly long week. Kaoru should have woken him when he got back. Hikaru was counting on him to; not to be late, and it was unsettling when it wasn't Kaoru who woke him.

"Hikaru-sama?" He woke up from a stifling dream that made no sense to him and was quickly dissipating, one of their maids standing over him gently shaking his shoulder. "Preparations for dinner are complete."

"Is my brother home?"

"I wouldn't know, sir," She dropped a polite curtsey, but he could see the concern behind her eyes. "My sister is looking for him…"

"What time is it?"

"Seven thirty, sir…" She stepped back as he rolled abruptly off the bed, on edge.

"Has the chauffeur called? Has Kaoru?"

"No, sir…"

"But the school should have shut… he should be home by now…"

"I'm sorry, sir, we're looking-"

"You can go." Hikaru said a little sharply. She left quickly as he went to find his phone. No messages… Kaoru would have called ahead. If he'd known he was going to be late, he would have. There was no response when he dialled his brother, and he tried to come up with explanations as to why he wasn't answering – why he wasn't calling. He was at a different library. The phone was in the trunk of the car, out of his reach, but he wanted to call, really. He'd forgotten to charge it, it had dropped out of his pocket and it was ringing in a sewer somewhere (He'd got desperate and phoned the host club: the last suggestion was Tamaki's, and Hikaru was about ready to take anything). He was pacing their rooms by the tenth call, and by the twenty-fifth, he'd widened his route to the whole house.

Thankfully, his mother had more sense, grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him down.

"Sweetie, I've called the police. They've started searching and they're going to find him and bring him home, all right? He can't have gone far..." Her voice sounded certain, but she looked petrified. They hadn't got all their acting ability from her, clearly, and Hikaru was conflicted as to what to feel - reassurance, or fear.

He chose fear.

The police arrived, asked their questions, and sat with them as the evening wore on, as Hikaru paced the kitchen and Yuzuha shredded damp tissues on the tabletop. He phoned Kaoru every fifteen minutes, the officers ready with their recording and tracking equipment. It meant Hikaru couldn't cradle the phone close, couldn't say words meant for Kaoru and only Kaoru, but all he really wanted was to hear his brother's voice, bright, at the end of the line.

Their father was away on business, and he couldn't get a flight back for several hours. On top of that, travelling back to Japan, getting back into the country, would take time. Yuzuha begged him to hurry, and in his absence their twin maids flanked her, identical statues at her side, the way her sons should have been.

A phone call outside their established check-in times lifted their hopes and dashed them immediately. It wasn't Kaoru. The chauffeur that had been assigned to wait for him had been found unconscious in one of the high school dumpsters. The license plates from their car had been thrown in after him: he'd been sent to the hospital with a police guard ready to question him and, if he proved violent, provide restraint. But unless he had knocked himself out and had someone else drive Kaoru away… he didn't look to be the aggressor.

The unexpected phone call put them behind their scheduled check-in with the police force, working with the private police whose services Kyouya had volunteered. This, in turn, made them late for their calling Kaoru, and they thought perhaps by throwing off the pattern, they might manage to catch him.

They didn't. There was no response.

In fact, it was long past midnight before they finally got a call through.

* * *

"Pretty thing…"

…the way he'd been tied up showed off his ribcage. Exposed it to the moonlight – that's what he said – cast a pallor over his skin and threw the soft contours of his chest into relief. Twenty nine. Show Hikaru.

He wasn't thinking straight, he was playing his mind like his hands played his rib bones. He couldn't squirm, he could hardly even breathe, but he was still counting off the reasons. Thirty. Air.

"Sweetie, your phone's ringing."

It was? Yes. It had been ringing since before, since the trunk, days ago, hours, somewhere inaccessible but always so close, just not in the uniform that had been cut off him, not in the ropes, all the ropes that he'd been strung up with. Was it better breathing with his head lolling against his chest? No, worse. Made the ropes cut. He was pushed gently back, it didn't help, and the hands left.

They'd be back.

He whimpered as what felt like blood slid down his legs – Thirty one, shower, clean, clean, clean – but the gag stopped the sound before it could go too far. If he slipped he'd hang, he knew from the way the rope pressed against his throat. His arms wouldn't support him, the rope around them was slacker and he was tired. He couldn't see, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, there were times when he couldn't hear, times when he could and those were often worse. The sense of touch he still had, heightened by the loss of the other senses, sometimes dulled by lack of oxygen, but not as much as he thought it should be. That would be a kindness – Thirty two? He didn't want to feel any more.

"Oi, nii-chan." The ringing had stopped. He jerked at the voice, too casual, too normal for what he'd just been doing. "Yeah, he's here. We were just having a private moment…" Kaoru felt his eyes on him – was that still touch, or something else, something beyond it, something like vision. They were hungry, oh god, not again, please… "Eh? But he's safe with me, nii-chan. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, you know that. I hate to see him cry- oh pretty thing, please don't. Shhh…" The hands were back and he was trying, he was trying not to because it was hard to breathe even without crying, and when he cried he saw black, saw black and floated in it. "It's your first night away from home isn't it, pretty? I'm here, don't cry, shhh…" He was close – oh god, he was close, and he could hear Hikaru's voice obscured by static and shouting. "Shhh… I'll let you talk to him, how's that? But I'll have to turn the phone off after. I hate to see you cry…"

The gag was pulled out and air… he tried to take his first breath of it but was cut of by a pair of lips and he wanted so badly to breathe that he couldn't bite. And biting might have been why he was gagged in the first place, but he wasn't sure, he just wanted the mouth to move. It took forever, and all he could do was hang there, his feet barely under him and his brother's voice calling in his ear – too much to focus on, and not enough air.

"Kaoru, Kaoru, I'm here, talk to me, please…" He couldn't. Couldn't get any words out past the shaky breaths, choking breaths, and hysterical desperate sobs, and he mangled them when he tried.

"Please… _please_…"

"Kaoru, where are you?" He broke into sobs again, and somewhere in the background he heard his mother, both trying to comfort him by the sound of their voices alone.

"Hikaru, Hikaru, please…" He tried to speak again, make it stop, Hikaru, please, but could only twist his mouth open and release what little breath he had left in a silent scream. They were talking, he couldn't make it out, the words washing over him and _away,_ tearing a cry from his throat, "N-no… bring them back!"

"Shhh, Sweetie… you're homesick, but you can get through it. You're safe with me…"

Safe.

Safe meant no one would find him, not even Hikaru. That he'd made sure - wasn't going to _let_ Hikaru find him.

He whimpered and cried and thrashed against the restraints, kicked out his legs to try to catch him but couldn't get them back. He was really hanging, there wasn't enough air, and he'd lost count again.

One…

Hikaru…

* * *

"You've got him agitated now… I'm going to have to settle him again. I'm turning off the phone now…"

"No! Don't you DARE lay a hand on him you- Kaoru! KAORU!"

He didn't know when he ended up on his knees in front of the table, screaming at the telephone and clinging to the tabletop to keep himself upright. But it must have happened. The phone disconnected with a click, and the words dried in his throat because he knew Kaoru wasn't going to hear them.

"Oh god…" Yuzuha choked out from across the table. "Oh god, oh god, my baby…" She was reaching for him and he should have gone, but his tears were pooling on the tabletop and for some reason that fascinated him. She was barely visible for the arms of their maids anyway, clinging to each other as much as they were clinging to her.

He looked at the officers and their equipment, the still-working recorder, finding more than horror in their expressions.

"Oh god…" he repeated his mother's words. "…you couldn't track it, could you?" He didn't need the answer, and buried his head in his hands as tears filled his vision.

There was no one there to cling to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

They didn't give up on phonecalls even after what happened once they finally got through - but Hikaru couldn't stay around any longer, knowing they weren't going to get Kaoru again. He dragged himself wearily upstairs, somehow heavy without his brother at his side, and flopped down on the bed again, staring at Kaoru's – empty and perfectly made up – across from him.

They had had separate beds since they had been quite young, but even when Kaoru was in the room sleeping across from him, breaths light and steady, Hikaru's bed felt empty, lonely. It was comforting and not at all unexpected when Kaoru would crawl into his bed in the middle of the night to share, even now they were almost grown up, and it reassured him that Kaoru was still his baby brother – that they were still _that_ close.

But that meant he was the one who had to make it better. He had always loved that position, that feeling of power and responsibility to be the one who could make Kaoru's childhood monsters go away. But this monster was real, a real living being – a person, but not a human. It was the pain and panic he'd heard in Kaoru's voice. And Hikaru _wanted_ to make it go away, _wanted_ to make it safe because it was his _duty_ to do so, but from here there was nothing he could do. He was powerless. And he wasn't sure there'd be anything he could do to help, even if Kaoru came back – wasn't even sure he could keep his brother safe anymore.

He stumbled over to the other bed, grabbed a pillow and returned to his own again, hugging it to his chest. There were at least half a dozen pillows on Kaoru's bed – they all smelled like him, but none of them was a decent substitute. Not one of them was even a comfort.

But at least they reminded Hikaru his brother was even there in the first place.

* * *

Numbers shiver through his mind at a feverish pace, but Kaoru has nothing to match them to, nothing that can ground him – can't remember what he was matching them to in the first place, only that they seem real and logical, that they don't _fit_ right in his head, but he knows why they should, thinks he knows why Hikaru prefers them. Because one comes before two comes before three… a natural progression, simple, logical like nothing else is and learned since childhood where everything is safe and nothing is going to hurt you until you grow up – until you grow up too fast and too far and something has to, something has to knock you down, something has to end it.

…_but I was __**safe**__…_

It's a useless protest and does nothing to stop the numbers, the numbers that time themselves to kisses, touches, thrusts that haven't stopped yet, why won't they stop, a tongue gliding up a salty tear track on his cheek, one, two, his head feels like is falling to pieces, and his chest feels like it's buckling inward under his hands, dull pain spreading, caging. His hands twitch in their bindings, cuffs, cuff, cuffed to the head of the bed, his legs pushed apart, open, he doesn't want to know what he looks like, doesn't want-

A stinging slap hits him across the face, and he whimpers with the sharp, too-clear pain of it, at his teeth digging and cutting into his abused lips. He wonders at the fresh wave of tears, that he can weep, but cannot even articulate a cry for help. A plea to be released.

"I'm sorry… oh sweetie, I'm sorry…" He tries to turn his head out of the way of that mouth, those bloody kisses, and wonders when the voice became distinct again, if it came back with the pain, and what he had to do to make it go away again, but the mouth first, the mouth had to go, "Pretty thing… sweet thing, don't be angry… don't sulk with me… please…" One kiss… two kiss… three kiss kiss kiss_es_. "It's too soon to sleep, lovely, and we've only got tonight. I was just trying to wake you…" His mouth twists open – I didn't ask for this, I don't want it, I don't – "I know, darling, I know…" A hand reaches and grasps somewhere between them. He feels it. "I know, sweetie, I know what you want… I'll give you want you want…" and he lurches, suddenly clear – you can't do this you can't do this to me, on top of everything else, you can't make me enjoy this, can't make me _feel_ – and he closes his eyes and holds his breath and wills it NOT to happen.

Strokes fall into time like numbers, like ticking seconds that he needs to count but _God_ he can't think _why_-

One…

Two…

Three…

* * *

Watching the empty bed became too difficult, too painful after a while, and by the time someone knocked on the bedroom door Hikaru already had his back to it and wasn't planning on moving any time soon. He could see the door reflected in the window opposite, though, and watched it open and admit Kyouya as if through a screen or a trellis. The dark of his trousers and his hair blended into the night outside, and gave the illusion that he was gliding ghost-like on invisible legs to Hikaru's side. He sat down without an invitation, and Hikaru could see the expression on his pale face in the glass.

"You heard it, didn't you?"

"I did. We have some of our best teams working on it… the technicians are trying to isolate the background noise, and our best analysts are picking over what was actually said, trying to discern-"

"What's to discern? My brother's in the hands of a complete fucking psycho."

"- any kind of motive he might have suggested." Kyouya glossed over the obscenity, but halted at the end of his sentence, conceding, "But yes. At this time, it's safe to assume we're dealing with someone with a severe mental instability."

"And Kaoru's stuck with him." Hikaru spat.

There was a long pause. Hikaru lay on his side, arms clamped around the pillow and tears prickling behind his eyelids, but damned if he was going to let them fall – at least not in front of Kyouya – and desperately tried to focus anywhere else but him. Kyouya gave up after a while, sensing he'd worn out what meagre welcome he had, and moved to stand.

"I have to ask." He hesitated before he rose. "Was there any… indication that this was going to happen?"

"You think I'd have let him out of the house if I thought that?" Hikaru laughed bitterly and clutched the pillow closer. Why would _anyone_ want to do this to _Kaoru_? "No. No, there was no indication, no reason for anyone to… to want to do something like this to him. None."

"No letters, no form of communication?"

"I told you, Kyouya, _no_."

Another silence, more awkward this time, and Kyouya decided to take his leave. He got to his feet and was almost half way across the room before Hikaru's voice called him back.

"I should have been able to stop this happening."

Kyouya halted.

"What would you have done to stop it?" He asked softly. What could _you possibly_ have done?

"Something. _Anything_. The one time I leave him and this…" Hikaru broke off. "I should have stayed with him. Looked out for him like I'm supposed to…" Kyouya sighed, pushing up his glasses and turning around to face him.

"Hikaru." He began, "As far as I can tell, we're dealing with a maniac obsessed with your brother, to the extent that he believes kidnapping and torturing him is in Kaoru's best interests. He wouldn't want anyone else in his way, least of all you, and he'd probably see you as the biggest threat to his twisted version of happiness alive. He'd have eliminated you, just like everything else preventing Kaoru being with him, and we'd have found you in a dumpster too, and if we were very lucky, we'd have found you alive. And Kaoru would be in no better situation than he is now."

"_It shouldn't have been him_!_"_ Hikaru sat up abruptly, the pillow clutched in his hands, his voice shaking and catching in his throat as he protested angrily. "Not Kaoru. Nothing bad should happen ever to Kaoru, not _ever_. He didn't do anything to deserve…" He trailed off, bowing his head and lowering his voice. "Kyouya… please… he's my little brother. There has to be something I can do."

Kyouya was silent, and motivational speaking wasn't his thing. He knew he couldn't lie… but Hikaru was desperate.

He sat down again.

"All you can do is wait." He said quietly. "That's all any of us can do until the search parties turn up some new evidence that will help us find him. or until he's returned home. We're widening our searches, and we employ the best people in the business. We'll find something."

"You think he'd do that? Bring him back, I mean."

"His psychosis might work to our advantage in that respect. If he believes Kaoru would never turn him in, then yes, I think there's a good chance he'd let him go." And yet there were still the equally-good chances that he'd be so obsessed with Kaoru that he'd never let him go – or worse, that he'd kill him before anyone else could get to him. He had no intention of voicing these.

"What if he doesn't make it?" Hikaru whispered softly, and for the first time, Kyouya really saw fear on his face. "What if he can't hold on?"

"You give him too little credit. Kaoru is stronger than you think." Kyouya breathed out slowly. "The two of you have a very special relationship, do you know that? That's why you have to wait. That's why he's coming back. He's coming back _because_ you're his brother, and because he knows you'll be waiting for him."

Enough.

He stood up and started for the door, this time actually intending to get out.

"Kyouya-" Hikaru called out after him again, but broke off and looked away. "…thanks."

"You're welcome. Tell anyone I can be nice and I'll make sure you pay." Hikaru managed a weak, tearful laugh – Kyouya hadn't put anything into that threat at all. "I'll stay in touch. We'll bring him home."

The door clicked shut behind him, and the room was quiet again, save for Hikaru's soft whisper into the silence.

"Yeah."

* * *

He thought breaking would be an altogether different experience. Because it's something less than he expected, quieter, easier, not altogether _bad_ and he feels more that he's let go of something, and that seems a little bit better.

It doesn't hurt… or maybe he's just used to it now. He can no longer localise individual pains, perhaps that's how far gone he really is, because his mind can't work that way anymore. Maybe it's more that he can't get air again, there's a weight on his chest and he can't move it. There are pieces… too many pieces of him to count, too many pieces for what's left of him to get in touch with, and there are cracks in the ceiling, easier to count than the pieces, but the moon has set and it's too dark to see by.

It doesn't matter – there's no salvation there for him.

How do they look? One room, one bed, two bodies pressed together, a thousand bindings, countless pieces strewn everywhere, and one ceiling, a yawning black abyss looming, stretching down and closer... he sees it from above, and watches it from below with glassy blank eyes. It's enough, it's enough to swallow him and he wants it, he wants it to.

And the weight shifts, and pain flares and the fear he thought he was too numb to feel is back – what now, what now? – and he's smiling into the marks on his neck, the bruises and the bites that he made, breathing him in, and Kaoru can only whisper brokenly, "…_why_?" as if the one word can convey everything at once, and the answer comes back as if it's obvious.

"Because I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic. However, I do have an exploding computer. Trade?

* * *

There are gaps in his memory, holes like worn-out film, fuzzy bits that don't make sense when he tries to string together the images – a glass, a pill, a pair of scissors. It scares him a little, that there are pieces missing, that he doesn't know what happened in those pieces, but at the same time it's a relief – that maybe its best not to know, that maybe more pieces will blur into indistinctiveness, and fade out all together, vanishing into nothingness like a dream.

He hopes it will work that way.

He knows it probably won't.

He lets it happen now – drinks the water, takes the pill and drinks again, feels a tug when the hands come back to find and snip away a lock of hair. A memento, he thinks dimly. He is dull now, heavy with sleep, drifting and almost pleasantly detached – can't find it in him to feel fear, much less anything else, as he is gathered up, a tangle of limbs, press of lips on his brow, and taken out to the car again.

The sun is high when he regains consciousness with a strangled cry as a train speeds past him, his throat, his chest, his whole body sore. He raises his hands in an attempt to shield his eyes, and realises they have been left cuffed together, wrists chafed and bloody from spending so long tied.

He remembers and lurches aside, stomach writhing, to throw up. It takes him some time to recover, slumped and gasping for breath because it hurts his chest, and he tries to take stock, his mind sluggish. He is in a ditch at the side of a railway, there are clothes at his side but not his, and he should try to put them on when he can manage to sit up, because he was shivering against the warm sunlight. The pants slip down to his hips, and the shirt he can't put on, but tries to wrap around him anyway.

He has to walk – help, follow the tracks and find help – and he knows he should still be counting and remembering his reasons, but he can't concentrate on more than one thing at the moment, and just keeping walking was important. The surface is unforgiving beneath his feet; stones and broken glass, because no one is _supposed_ to walk here, least of all barefoot, and the passing trains scare him, drive him to the ground and make him scream until they pass out of hearing.

He stumbles and pushes until he's back in the civilised world again, cut up and hurting, eyes stinging from the sudden transition into shade. There are too many people, too many eyes, too many sharp, sudden noises, and all he wants to do is hide.

All he can manage is to say "Help," and even that word mangles itself as it passes his lips before he slumps forward – exhausted, not unconscious. Someone is there to catch him, but he can't quite trust them and manages to steady himself on his own bleeding feet again – is he making footprints? He goes where they tell him, sits where they tell him to lie down, wraps around himself the blanket that they offer him (the shirt got lost somewhere along the way), but shies away from the touches, the man with tools who comes to try to break the chain on the cuffs, shakes his head mutely when the station guards try to ask him questions he can't understand, because with understanding comes memory and he's not ready for that yet. He tries to block out the whispers – the horror, the sympathy. He doesn't need all these people, can't watch them all at once, but he backs up into a corner to try.

It's too crowded already, and they want to send for an ambulance and police, because of the blood and the shaking and the silence, because they don't know who he is.

"N-no…" he manages softly. They turn to him, too many eyes. His throat aches from last night – from the screaming, from… he swallows and tries again, "Please… no hospitals…" One of them has a notebook – it's easier - they watch as he frees himself from the blanket, both hands reaching out to pluck it from his grip. "M-my brother… this number… here…" he writes with difficulty, arms shaking as he holds the book back out again and whispers softly, "…please…" before he finally blacks out, so _tired_, and slumps against the sofa.

They'll call him, something in him reassures. He'll come. It'll be all right.

* * *

Hikaru had taken Yuzuha upstairs early that morning, and had rejoined the officers in the kitchen, pacing his old track in the floor as he had done several hours earlier (the difference now being that he felt like he was making progress – downwards). Time passed, measuring itself in cups of coffee drunk and donuts eaten, the sun outside rising slowly, inching its way over the horizon. New officers came to take the place of the old ones when their shift ended. More coffee was brewed, a new box of donuts appeared on the table – new players, same game - and the search continued.

By mid-morning, Hikaru had wandered out onto the terrace. He didn't feel any less anxious out here, but waiting inside was hardly encouraging. At least here he could more easily kid himself that things were going to get better – the sun was high now, and surely, _surely_, they'd be able to find something now there was more light to see by. Kyouya's teams had been going over security footage, the last he'd heard… maybe they'd figure out where the car had ended up. Maybe people had seen it.

Surely… surely _today_…

"Hikaru-sama?" he knew he'd been on edge but hadn't realised quite how much until the voice made him jump. He whipped around to find one of the maids standing in the doorway behind him. "The telephone… Yuzuha is taking a call in her room at the moment, but another has come through in the kitchen-"

"Is it Kaoru?"

"No sir-"

"Kyouya? Did he find something?"

"No sir, an employee at a train station in the Nagano district. They telephoned you directly."

"Nagano? For me?" They were in the kitchen by now, the officers' recording equipment was running, and he could see no more point in wasting time. "Hello?"

"Hitachiin-san, was it?" The man spoke as if he wasn't entirely sure who he's calling, it struck Hikaru as odd – why wouldn't he know? How would he even have got this number in the first place?

"Yes… you called me?"

"There's a young man here who claims to be your brother. He asked us to call you." Hikaru realised he was in the same position as last night, hands on the table, shoulders hunched to lean over the telephone. He changed his mind and slumped into a chair instead.

"Kaoru's there?" He glanced around the kitchen briefly – one of the maids had already disappeared upstairs. "Is he all right? Can I speak to him?"

"He's frightened… disoriented, very confused. We were going to call an ambulance but he begged us to call you first."

"How did he get to you? Did someone…?"

"It seems like he followed the train line until he reached us, but he arrived here alone and had nothing else with him. We think he was mugged."

"Kidnapped." Hikaru corrected quietly. This seemed to floor the man on the other end of the line, and there was a significant pause before he spoke again.

"A… a number of our security staff are following the line back to try to find where he started from… but would it be more beneficial for us to call the police and start a proper investigation?"

"The police are…" He hesitated, realising one of the officers had got up and left the room. A quick glance around and Hikaru found him just outside the door, speaking into a phone of his own. "The police are already involved, and there'll probably be some coming with me. And you mentioned an ambulance… but I'd rather see him first, unless he's…"

"He's not seriously injured, but he won't let anyone close enough to double-check." That was of no surprise. "He wouldn't talk except to ask us to call you."

"I'll set off now. Please, let him rest for the time being, and if he asks let him know I'm on my way. I'll be there soon."

He almost ran into his mother in the hall, and she caught his shoulders.

"They found the car," She managed in a rush before Hikaru could speak, "and they're trying to figure out where it ended up, but I have to identify it first, then pick up your father." Her hand rose to her mouth, distracted – she'd been biting her nails. "The station…"

"Kaoru's there, and I'm going now. Meet up with us, all right?"

She nodded, he dropped a kiss on her cheek and headed for the door. Outside, the car was waiting, engine running.

The first thing he did was check on his chauffeur before he got into it.

* * *

There are hands crawling all over him, phantom hands that make him back up even further, resting his weight awkwardly to one side – _away_ – and drawing his legs up to his chest. They tell him Hikaru's on his way, that he'll be there soon, and he watches an hour crawl past on the clock on the wall. He picks up the seconds, the ticks, and the voice that snaps them off in his head is the only thing that keeps him going.

In the car, the momentary relief from the phone call quickly gives way to worry. Hikaru knows they won't be there quickly. But he wishes the police cars flanking them would turn on their sirens and hurry things up. He practically hangs over the chauffeur's shoulder watching their progress on the road, and comparing it according to their progress on Sat-Nav (which makes it look easier – here's point A, there's point B, and that is the distance between). He wishes he'd had the initiative to borrow Tamaki's helicopter.

Some kind of haze drops around him, and it's not entirely unpleasant. It's the closest to sleep he's going to get at the moment but he wants the distance back, the drugged dullness from before. This is close enough. He knows there are people moving around him – they talk to him, he nods or shakes his head, just barely enough for it to qualify as a response, but he doesn't listen. There's enough space in his head for the blankness and the numbers, little else.

They're almost there, and Hikaru is on the verge of jumping out of the car and running the rest of the way himself. There are speed limits everywhere, barriers, all of them stopping him from getting to Kaoru's side – the only thing stopping him from _running_ is that he hasn't the faintest clue where he's going. He slumps back in his seat, impatient, jiggling his legs and drumming his fingers. When the car stops, he vows, he will run.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

Kaoru is startled back into consciousness, trying to scream, really trying, but the sound catches in the back of his throat, a pitiful whine. He doesn't know what woke him, or for that matter exactly when he managed to drift off, but that's not his concern as he tries to back up again, shivering, but has nowhere else to go. Belatedly, he realises all he's really done is trap himself.

"Kaoru?"

His eyes flick to the door briefly before they resume their search of the room, and back again when he realises what he's seen. Hikaru is standing framed in the doorway, looking in, and he begins to step inside and pull the door shut behind him.

"Kaoru… Kaoru, it's me…" His breathing hitches in response to his brother's voice, and Kaoru wants nothing more than to pull himself close and hold on to him – tight. But his hands are still cuffed and holding the blanket desperately close, and he knows if he lets go, Hikaru will see… see everything. So he takes another ragged breath, curls up tight and emits an aching string of words and sobs tangled together, each gasp drawing a cage of pain around his chest.

His voice is wrecked, and that alone makes Hikaru's heart twist in sympathy. There is a heavy bruise high on his left cheek, exhausted shadows ring his eyes, and his lips are cut, bitten and bloody. He's a mess, from all that Hikaru can see. He crosses the room and sits down at his brother's side wrapping his arms around him and pulling his shaking form close, whispering his name and as many reassurances as he can think of. He's ready to back off if Kaoru needs him to – the last thing he wants to do is frighten him or make things worse – but he feels Kaoru shift, burying his head in his chest, and he's pretty sure he got something right as he rubs Kaoru's back in gentle circles.

He waits until Kaoru's sobs begin to subside a little, his voice peters out, and Hikaru lifts his hands, one to cradle the back of his head, the other to stroke his cheek, coaxing his brother's attention back to him.

"Tell me what hurts?" he requests softly.

"I'm all right…" The lie is out of Kaoru's mouth before he even notices it, and Hikaru realises he's been doing that a lot lately, the lying, the pushing him back. There's been a distance opening up between them since – what? Halloween? – recurring lapses in his understanding of his brother. And this had only served to make things worse, if it was still happening even after all of this. Kaoru's words are made even less convincing the way the his voice catches in his throat, the tears continuing to roll down his cheeks as he hides in Hikaru's shoulder again.

"Don't lie," Hikaru whispers, his other arm returning to wrap around him again, "You're safe, and I'm here now." And I'm going to try harder, he promises silently. "It's going to be OK."

He feels Kaoru struggle to slow his gasping breaths down a little. It _hurts_, and beneath the blanket his fingers clench into fists as if they'll help take his mind off it.

"I'm not all right." He admits softly.

"Tell me what hurts," Hikaru repeats again and Kaoru swallows painfully.

"Everywhere… everything."

"Am I-?"

Hikaru makes to back off immediately, and Kaoru lifts his head briefly and whispers, "Don't-" struggling with the words "You're not- I-it's all right, just…" _Don't leave_, he wants to beg, _please, please don't leave me_.

"All right, okay…" He keeps a hold, stroking Kaoru's back, hoping the repetitive motion will help him calm down. "They said you managed to sleep for a while." He murmurs softly. Kaoru's forehead is pressed into the crook of Hikaru's neck, and he replies against his shoulder.

"Didn't sleep."

"Nightmares?" Hikaru isn't surprised. They joked – used to joke – about it, but Kaoru had always had more of a tendency toward bad dreams than he did. Hikaru didn't expect for him to be able to sleep easily for quite a while. "Do you want to _try_ to sleep?"

"No."

"I won't let anything happen, I promise." Kaoru shakes his head, leaning closer. "All right. Do you want to talk about it?" He shakes his head again – Hikaru can see a pattern emerging. He doesn't plan on pushing Kaoru, not now, it's far too soon, but he needs to know Hikaru's there to listen. "We'll go home, soon, all right? But first we need to get you to a hospital and get you checked over and-" This time it's Kaoru who pulls away, clutching at Hikaru's shoulders.

"P-please, Hikaru" He begs desperately, shaking his head. The very thought of it frightens him. "Please, I can't…" Too late, he realises the blanket has slipped and he reaches for it frantically, struggling backwards again, "Hikaru… I…"

"Shh." Something warm drops around his shoulders and Hikaru's hands linger there, holding him steady as slips easily out of his grip and kneels in front of him, looking into his eyes. "Kaoru, please calm down."

His hands move, releasing the jacket he's settled around Kaoru's shoulders, to take both of Kaoru's hands, cut and grazed, wrists aching, jarred from breaking his fall one too many times. But Kaoru's not worried about those, and he's not worried about the cuffs either. It's the bruises on his chest, the raw marks on his neck, the bites, and he pulls his hands back, trying to pull Hikaru's jacket to cover them, stammering an apology.

"You weren't supposed to…" Hikaru hushes him gently; picking up the blanket as well and wrapping it back around him again, leaving Kaoru's hands free for him to take. He knows there's a reason Kaoru didn't want him to see, knows he will have to ask later, but not now.

"Listen," he tries, stroking back Kaoru's hair with his free hand, "This is what we're going to do…"

He wants just to get Kaoru home as soon as possible, because he's tired and needs to sleep – but common sense tells him Kaoru needs to see a doctor to prevent any complications arising later on. After that, he promises, just one thing at a time.

"But first, how about we find someone to take these off?" Hikaru asks. Kaoru nods tentatively, his gaze slipping sideways and away from him, but grabs for his sleeve when Hikaru starts to get up. "I'll be right back. I promise."

He's gone for barely ten seconds, and even then he's only at the door, would be back in a heartbeat if Kaoru needed him. It feels like forever, and he's relieved when Hikaru returns, wrapping his arms around him again.

* * *

It's a rush after that – Kaoru can't remember it all, only pieces – that the room gets very crowded, that he wants to shout at them all to go away. That it's a strange sensation to finally have his hands free, to be able to move them independently, and he holds onto Hikaru because his life depends on it. It's all that can keep him anchored. Everything's too fast, too sudden, too much for him to be able to focus on, words, questions, _hands_, and for some parts of it he blanks, completely overwhelmed.

Hikaru remembers, but he'd rather he didn't. He tries to keep a hold on him, but it's hard because Kaoru's so highly strung – he is frightened by too many things, jumps at loud or sudden noises. He manages to stay still while they try to split the handcuffs – though he's not really calm and pulls back before they can pick the locks. He almost has an all-out panic attack when the paramedics arrive and try to strap him to a stretcher and in the end, Hikaru carries him out himself, Kaoru clinging to him, his breaths coming shaky and unsteadily.

"I'm going mad," Hikaru can feel the movement of Kaoru's abused lips against his neck. "I think I'm going mad." Hikaru wants to tell him no, that he's just tired and confused, but the sound of his voice makes his own catch in the back of his throat. He leans over instead, covering Kaoru, shielding him and preventing him seeing the tears in his eyes.

They arrive at the hospital relatively without incident, and are shown to a side room that's small, but quiet. Kaoru is fidgety, draws into himself once Hikaru has put him down, and he looks almost lost in the middle of the bed by himself, glancing from the window to the door, to the clock and back.

Hikaru shuts the door first, then draws the curtains across the window before he sits down on the edge of the bed, resting his hand on Kaoru's forehead.

"You're warm."

"I'm cold." He replies quietly, tilting his head away and still glancing distractedly around the room, even though there's nothing going to come in without their knowing about it. They'd picked up another blanket along the way – Kaoru pulls them both around himself, and Hikaru grabs another from the foot of the bed.

"Want to sleep for a while?"

"I don't want to lie down." He doesn't, but there's nothing to lean against, and he's tired of holding himself up. He can't sleep now, not here, and Kaoru is distantly relieved when Hikaru moves to sit behind him, offering himself to lean against.

He's warm, too.

Their doctor doesn't keep them waiting long, at least according to the hands on the clock. Hikaru's own sense of time tries to tell him differently. She is a small, non-threatening woman, and he doubts her qualifications until he spots the Ootori Zaibatsu insignia on her identity card. She talks to them, asks questions, fully aware of the situation, and Hikaru answers what he can but getting anything from Kaoru is hard work in itself. He's_ tired_ - the voices around him indistinct as if he's hearing them through water.

Between them, or rather mostly through Hikaru's efforts they manage to extricate Kaoru from the blankets that they gradually amassed along the way. It takes more coaxing before he'll let Hikaru help him out of his jacket. The marks on his body look somehow worse under the harsh hospital lights. Kaoru's eyes are shut tight, his mouth pressed into a line, caught between wrapping his arms around himself and hanging onto the blankets so he can pull them back at a moment's notice. One hand finds its way to hold onto Hikaru's shirt – the grip makes his fingers ache, and his teeth are digging into the inside of his lip with the effort of _just staying still_ because he knows this is important, knows he has to try. It's only the sound of Hikaru's voice, and the knowledge that he's there, that make him think he can do this… maybe…

She asks him to take a deep breath – the command takes a while to register, and when he finally does it feels like a kick in the chest. He lurches forward, coughing, forehead resting against Hikaru's shoulder as his brother secures his hold on him voice rising. He knows this feeling, the frantic, suffocating feeling that won't abate no matter how many breaths he tries to take, struggles because Hikaru's arms – and, God, he knows it's only Hikaru, but still – his arms feel like a cage and he's not even sure where he is anymore. Only that he needs them all to back off until he could figure it out. He feels Hikaru catch hold of one of his flailing arms before it can hit him in the face. He rips it out of his grip, slumping to one side.

"_Out_." He wheezes when he finally can, one hand wrapping around his chest, the other held up as if to fend them off. "_Leave_."

Hikaru was relieved that the doctor backed away, but she didn't make to leave the room, and didn't apologise either – or perhaps she had and he hadn't heard it – but at least she was on hand. Sitting down carefully again, he is mindful of the distance himself, drawing the discarded blankets back around Kaoru again.

"Can't do this." Kaoru gasps softly, shaking, his hand falling to steady himself "I don't want to do this."

Hikaru swallows, suddenly wondering whether this would do Kaoru more harm than good. He knew it was important Kaoru get checked over, but that could be done just as well by their family doctor, couldn't it? Was he asking too much of Kaoru when he was tired and scared – after everything he'd been through – to submit to something as invasive as this?

Biting his lip he decides; yes, yes, he's probably asking too much but they had to get as much of it over and done with now, so they wouldn't have to worry about it later. He doesn't want Kaoru to hate him for this, doesn't want to end up being pushed away by him. But there's still the possibility that it could happen and that scares him.

The grand irony is that Kaoru has exactly the same fears.

It's a vicious circle of not having enough air which forces him to take a deep breath, which _hurts_ and makes it hard to breathe all over again, so it takes Kaoru a while to calm down. Hikaru's managed to get him to lie back – the strange incline of the bed odd, but not uncomfortable. Kaoru's gasps gradually turn themselves into whimpering sobs, his hands covering his face and clenching in his hair as he tries to calm himself down. He's trying, he _is_, but nothing's working.

"Kaoru? Can we continue?"

"Absolutely not." Hikaru answers before Kaoru can, placing himself in front of him. He squeezes his eyes shut again - their voices drop out of hearing and he strains to hear what he can.

"_No_." He catches the word 'sedation' amidst their talk, and he tries to sound as firm as possible but it comes out as a broken whisper. "No shots. No examinations." He takes a shaky breath, hands swiping at his eyes. "Please. Let's just go home."

It doesn't work. His lips, pressed together, begin to quiver, and he draws himself up again as if it's going to help, blankets only half-wrapped around him and held in place by his shaking arms. He wonders dimly if he'll ever stop crying, if he'll only ever manage to briefly claw back pieces of what he _was_ before they slip through his fingers again.

A door clicks shut somewhere, and Hikaru sits down at the edge of the bed, rubbing his shoulders.

"I'm sorry." He says quietly. "I'm asking a lot of you, I know."

"It's not-" Kaoru swallows, not entirely sure how he was going to finish the sentence. "I know she's just trying to do her job but I just…"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kaoru glances up.

"About what?"

"Whatever it is you're not telling me."

"It's not important." Hikaru sighs, leaning back, his hands stilling on Kaoru's shoulders. Kaoru shrinks back a little himself, curling inward, hands rising self-consciously to cover up the marks, "_What_?"

"_Talk_ to me."

_It's not as easy as that,_ Kaoru wants to scream back because he knows, _knows_ that the admission will break them both. It doesn't matter now what Hikaru suspects, it doesn't matter whether he's just _pretending _everything's fine, because Kaoru _can't_ pretend along with him when he asks a question like that. He can't. It's not even a matter of him being physically unable to shape the words. He knows that saying them will make it real, will make it complicated, and it doesn't _need_ to be.

What could he say? "He raped me. Are you happy?"

It takes him a moment to realise he even spoke the words – his voice was low and he didn't even mean to say them in the first place. But Hikaru stills at his side (a disbelieving whisper, "What do you mean, 'Am I happy'?") and Kaoru knows he said it out loud. He knew that was all it was going to take, could feel himself crumbling, and he struggles past the tears gathering again in his eyes to get the rest out, now that he's started, "Not… not just once. He wouldn't… He thought I…" he takes a breath, swallows, turns his head away. "You can leave," He tries finally, his voice catching. "You don't have to stay if-"

"Kaoru…" Hikaru gently folds his brother into his arms, repeating as if it will help him believe it, "Kaoru, I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving, I'm not…" and feels him take a shuddering breath against his shoulder. He's not sure he can understand _why _and inexplicably, all Kaoru wants to do is lash out at him. He has never – _never_ – wanted to hit his brother in his life, and even now he doesn't think he can. He pushes away instead, meeting Hikaru's eyes.

"But this is my fault." He manages, "Why aren't you angry with me? Why don't you hate me? I-it wouldn't have happened, if I'd tried harder I -"

"No, Kaoru." Hikaru murmurs softly, shaking his head,

"But I hate _myself_ for this…"

"Shh…" Hikaru pulls him back close again. "_None _of this is your fault, understand? I'm here. I won't leave, I promise. Now what do you need?" Kaoru's hands tighten in Hikaru's shirt, bunching the material, and he secures his grip in turn, waiting on him to calm a little; can see them starting to fall into another pattern, but it's better than the lies. "Listen," he says quietly. "I promised you I would only push you on this and nothing else – and I'm sorry about before, but that still stands, even more so now. I know you're tired, but the shot she's going to give you will help you calm down and sleep for a while. You won't remember a thing, and I promise it won't hurt. And I think right now it's important for you to sleep for a while, because you're tired, and need to get back some strength."

"For the questions."

"Yes, for the questions. You're tired, and I think it'd be good for other reasons too… I know you're scared of nightmares, but it'll help you feel a little better, help clear your head. That's what I think."

They are silent for a while, and that's fine with Hikaru. He's not going to push Kaoru into a decision.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I-I'm _trying_ to pull myself together, but it's… it's not working, and I can't make it work. I get… and I just want to be… I just… I want…" he hesitates, his mind struggling to supply him with the right word and coming up short because he can't make anything fit the way he wants it to.

"We know it's hard," Hikaru replies. "It's still early; nobody's asking you to-"

"No, it's me. _I want_ it… to be fixed. I don't want to be _broken_ anymore, and I'm scared… not really about nightmares, it's just…" he closes his eyes, swallows and continues haltingly. "I don't want to be like this forever, I don't want…"

"Shh. You've got me. I promise I'll be here the entire time."

Kaoru bites his lip – _for how long?_ – and buries his head in Hikaru's chest again. Something will make him leave. Whether it's now, or weeks away, Hikaru's patience will run out, or he'll find out something that will make him give up and go. But he's here _now_, and maybe by the time he leaves, Kaoru will have managed to pull together something that at least vaguely resembles the way he used to be.

"All right." He nods eventually. "All right."

* * *

It's less a sense of the world slipping away from him this time, and more that the world is reducing itself to senses again, to the extent that it doesn't even cross his mind that this has happened before in the last twenty four hours. It doesn't scare him anymore, and he doesn't mind because it's simple – the warmth of Hikaru's arms, the sound of his voice, his heartbeat, the steady press of his breathing, the gentle motion as he rocks him to sleep… for the first time, Kaoru feels truly calm, and he's quite content to let himself drift off.

* * *

An hour later and Hikaru was pacing outside the hospital's X-Ray suite, biting his thumbnail and looking through the small window in the door every now and then, despite the fact that the screens around the machines allowed him to see nothing.

There were marks everywhere. _Everywhere_. Not just bite marks, but bruises too, and on Kaoru's hips and thighs as well as his neck and shoulders, and heaviest around his chest. The cuts and scrapes had been mostly from Kaoru's walk back and didn't worry Hikaru nearly so much. The doctor said his temperature wasn't much of a concern at this point, and had been confident there'd be no physical scars.

"How is it?" Kyouya rounded the corner, coming to a stop beside him and Hikaru glanced up briefly before returning his eyes to the window again.

"Find him, Kyouya." He ordered quietly, his voice trembling with a barely-suppressed rage. "Just find him so I can rip him to pieces myself."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

Waking up is hard work, harder than it should be, and Kaoru isn't quite sure how he manages it. Maybe he shouldn't be awake yet. The world around him is indistinct and fuzzy – he's not entirely sure what to think, knows something is missing and tries to call it to him, but his voice doesn't come out quite the way he wants it to.

It _works_, but Hikaru's name still mangles somehow itself on its way out of his mouth. It shouldn't have done that, and he tries again, even as his brother's face swims in and out of focus above him, just in case he DID make a mistake.

It strange that Hikaru's above him - What's he doing up there? Can Kaoru even reach for him? Will he reach back? - He's not alone either, there's someone else – who? Important? – who is holding his other hand. Both are aching faintly under their touches, but it doesn't really matter; he's not afraid. He thinks briefly that he should be, but Hikaru's there, so there's no reason to be scared... and everything else is far, far away.

But he feels he should let them know that he knows they're there…

…he's just so tired again…

…and the world flutters out of his grasp like a ribbon in the wind.

* * *

Kaoru had woken briefly after they'd moved him back to the hospital room again. They'd been joined along they way by their mother – who had come directly to the hospital rather than pick up their father from the airport. Kaoru had been out of it when he came round, reached up for Hikaru and murmured his name, and softer, "Mama," as his gaze drifted over to her at his other side. Hikaru wouldn't let go of his brother's hand, not wanting to be separated from him again, and by the time Yuzuha had leaned down to press a tender kiss to her son's brow, Kaoru was sleeping again.

But at this present moment, Yuzuha Hitachiin was angry.

"Now?" Her tone was icy. At times like this it was best to back away slowly and avoid angering her further at all costs. "You're asking me to leave _now_?"

Somehow, Kyouya was still stood in the doorway, completely unfazed. Hikaru wasn't entirely sure what he was waiting for to happen – for their senpai to burst into flames under Yuzuha's gaze, perhaps, or for him to turn tail and flee down the corridor.

Any lesser man – that is to say, Tamaki - might have. But this was Kyouya. And Kyouya was nothing if not audacious.

"In order to ensure the continued smooth-running of this investigation, we would _very _much appreciate your cooperation in this matter."

Even if it was reluctantly, even if he _was_ waiting for Kyouya to drop the ball – and spectacularly, too – Hikaru had to admit that he was impressed by his senpai's guts.

"How dare you." Yuzuha had got to her feet. "How dare you _suggest_-" In heels she had a little extra height on Kyouya. At the sudden noise Kaoru whimpered and shifted a little in his sleep. The room fell into silence until he settled again and it was clear he wasn't going to wake. Yuzuha's voice was lower, her tone clipped, when she finally spoke again. "I will discuss this with you _outside_."

A few minutes later and she returned alone, closing the door quietly behind her and sitting back down, taking Kaoru's other hand in both of hers again.

"You know I used to sit with you like this?" she asked softly, "When you two were young and I was going to be away for a while… I'd sneak into your bedroom and sit up with you." Hikaru smiled.

"Yeah, I know." She glanced up.

"But you were always fast asleep…"

"So were you the time Kaoru woke up and found you." She chuckled and they both turned their attentions back to the bed for a moment. "You're going, aren't you?"

"Yes." She nodded, "Kyouya-kun was right, even if he is a presumptuous little brat." Her hands tightened very slightly around Kaoru's. "Perhaps… it would be best if we went back to the summer house tonight. It's closer, easier to get to…"

"He wants to go home." Hikaru replied quietly. "I promised him."

"All right." She leaned across the bed briefly to kiss him before bending over Kaoru. As she straightened up she stroked her younger son's hair gently back from his face. "You'll look after him, won't you?"

Hikaru gently rubbed Kaoru's hand.

"He's my baby brother."

* * *

His clothes are gone, removed from him a shred at a time, and his hands are all over him, his hands and his _tongue_, and it's early, the first time, on the floor, before the ropes, before the bed, and he's fighting, all teeth and nails, kicking legs and screaming voice.

Is. Was. One hand curls vicelike around Kaoru's slender wrists, wrenching them up, pinning them somewhere behind his head, and he's held down by the weight of the man above him, a weight he'd tried to kick away by bringing up his legs and now - the pain of a bite on the inside of his thigh, but nothing like - a broken wail escapes him and turns into frantic sobbing - because now, God, God oh _God _please God no, he's-

He goes wild. He _thrashes_, screaming through his tears even though the damage is already done, just wants him away, off, _out_, regardless of how he might hurt himself in the process – cracks his head on the floor once, twice, three times until he feels a grip on his hair, a press against him, pulling, holding him down, his voice, that false voice whispering that if he relaxes and calms down he'll enjoy this and oh _God_ you're _so_-

He tilts his head back, teeth grit, sucks in another breath to supplement his sobs, tries to jerk away from the mouth at his throat and whimpers at the pain of it, the hand tugging at his hair. Still restrained at the wrists, he manages to draw his arms together over his face. He'd hated the blindfold, hated it.

But he doesn't have to watch this.

* * *

He fought Hikaru almost as soon as he woke. Hikaru let him – at least, until he regained his senses. He caught a hold of Kaoru before he pitched himself off the bed, and he drew himself up, whimpering behind his hands, the nightmare receding and the memories of the past few hours slowly fading back, only with blank bits, pieces missing, like…

"I was drugged." He mumbled softly. "Before, he… I was…"

"We know. It showed up." Between the physical examination, the X-rays and the standard tests, everything had. Kaoru picked at some surgical tape on the inside of his arm. Hikaru sat down on the mattress. "He broke your ribs, Kaoru. How…" He swallowed, voice drying up in his throat. He knew how broken bones hurt. But a broken arm, you could keep still. The doctor had counted three broken, four cracked, heavy bruising everywhere. Nothing seriously wrong, and nothing that wouldn't heal, she'd assured, but had warned that recovery could take a while.

"You stayed." Kaoru whispered into the silence.

"Of course I did." He gently settled the blankets back around him again. "How do you feel?" He pulled his brother's hand away from his arm, making to take hold of them both, but Kaoru pulled back before he could be touched.

"Can we just-" He faltered, holding up his hands, holding him off. "Can we just get this over with? Please?"

"Are you sure? You don't want to sleep any more?"

"I'm sure. I just want to go home." He swallowed. It hurt to talk, though the pain around his chest wasn't as bad right now. "_Please_, Hikaru?"

"Okay." He nodded, getting to his feet and starting to the door. Kaoru hesitated, struggling with the words to call him back, and instead lunged for him, desperately grabbing hold of his hand. The effort made him dizzy. He didn't care.

"Y-You're going?" He managed finally, meeting Hikaru's eyes for only a moment before glancing away, uncertain.

"No, not far." Hikaru shook his head, wrapping his arms around his brother, and Kaoru sank against him. "Kyouya was hanging around; I was just going to see if he was still outside."

"Kyouya was?" He didn't have to watch, he reminded himself, he could just shut his eyes if he wanted to, even if it was on Hikaru, but his words had surprised him and he glanced up instead, trying to steady himself against the sudden movement. "Has… does he…?"

"His police investigated when you didn't come home, so he's been involved since the start." Hikaru gently rubbed Kaoru's back. "I haven't told him anything, but he's probably read the doctor's report."

"There was a _report_?" Kaoru pulled back, "Nobody said…" – wait. No. Yes. He breathed a sigh, rubbing a shaky hand across his eyes. "Who else?"

"Mother was here. Aside from her, no one. I called everyone when I couldn't get in touch with you but they don't know anything else." He watched Kaoru consider this information for a moment before he nodded, leaning back into him again.

"I-I'm sorry," he whispered. "You must have been so…"

"It's all right now." Hikaru murmured into his hair, "It's over now, you're safe…" He was relieved to feel Kaoru relax, his forehead resting in the crook of Hikaru's shoulder a puff of breath ghosting over his skin. "We don't have to do this right away," he added softly, "You can sleep again if you're tired."

"I just want this to be over." Kaoru mumbled against him.

A soft knock at the door made him jump, and Hikaru mentally cursed the wretched timing. They glanced up together as the door opened and Kyouya slipped inside.

"You're awake." He commented as if he were surprised. Kaoru nodded, looking away. He was tense again. "Do you think you could answer some questions?"

Pulling away from Hikaru, Kaoru was about to nod again before he realised he wouldn't get far without using his voice.

"Yes."

"Be nice." Hikaru warned quietly, keeping hold of Kaoru's hands.

Suddenly Kaoru realised that maybe he couldn't offer anything helpful at all.

Hikaru encourages him gently to try, and he does. He _tries_, and it's frightening because he really remembers very little. In his dreams everything makes a twisted kind of sense that doesn't quite carry over to the real world. Events are hardest. He doesn't want to talk about them, doesn't want to remember, doesn't want to put them into words because he's missing the things he needs to try to tie them together. Other things are slightly more distinct – gravel, bare floorboards, ropes, beams, a bed, a large window and – he stumbles over the word – cameras. Everywhere, he'd said proudly, stretching him up to the moonlight. Every side is your best side.

He shivered, stopping short of giving a description. It was dark. He was blindfolded. He was _scared_, he could he possibly remember?

"What about at the car?" _When?! _"At the school, before he drove you away."

There's a gap there, Kaoru realises. Kyouya's seen something he hasn't seen – surveillance? – but Kaoru can't remember it happening even if he tries. He thought it was faster than that, a grab a shove a slam.

"I can't…" He can't do any more. No more questions. He can't listen, remember, understand, answer. Too much, too tired to make his mind work that way for too long. Maybe he should have slept like Hikaru said – shuts his eyes against the swaying room, backs up against the pillows.

"That's enough." Hikaru ordered quietly, getting to his feet with remarkable self-restraint. "Kyouya, please, leave." The older boy didn't move, however, and Hikaru crossed to the other side of the bed, grabbing his arm and fully intent on moving him himself.

They were practically out of the door when Kaoru whispered softly, "Wait." They stopped and turned, and Kaoru hesitated, struggling with the words, trying to put them together so he won't be misunderstood.

"I… I know who did this to me."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

"I… I know who did this to me."

The whispered confession made Hikaru release Kyouya immediately, crossing swiftly back to his brother's bedside. Kaoru was still being evasive, refusing to let his gaze linger on either of them and had drawn inward, his arms wrapped around himself. It was frightening, because Hikaru had seen that pose before, and up until now it never _meant_ anything. It had never stood for anything more than a prompt for a line they had already planned out, scripted in advance. His mind raced to try to figure out what was supposed to come next but there were no lines. There was no script.

"It's someone we know?" He asked quietly, trying to keep his emotions out of his voice. He felt angry, betrayed – why would anyone they knew want to…? - But Kaoru didn't need to hear it. He'd only think it was directed at him.

"I don't know who he _is_." He whispered, catching an aching lip between his teeth. _If I can just get this out we can give up and go home, right?_ "H-he talked about things… a-about Ouran. The Host Club." Kaoru could practically feel that this caught their attention and he couldn't stand it, the eyes on him, even with Hikaru there. Kyouya's constant note-taking had never been unsettling before, but now, suddenly it was, and he drew in a shaky breath, gripping his head with both hands, trying to stop it falling to pieces. The panic wasn't quite back yet – something was still keeping it from returning in full force – but he could still feel it tugging at him, and it was safer like this, easier to hide from. "Tamaki mustn't know, Kyouya _please_…"

"He was a client?" Kyouya asked, scanning through his notes. Kaoru nodded.

"…the scary one?" He could see a memory spark somewhere behind Hikaru's eyes as he sat down on the edge of the bed, gently taking Kaoru's hands and extricating them from his hair. "I remember him." He said quietly, his attention more on his brother than anywhere else, "Not much, only that he… he really freaked me out, the way he looked at you…" he trailed off.

"Why didn't you mention this?"

"It was a long time ago," Hikaru replied, glancing back. "And we almost quit that day. If he'd ever come back and designated us we'd have refused. But he never did – and he was gone by the time we moved up to the high school, right?" he added, and Kaoru nodded again.

A year – two years? It was a long time to nurse such strong emotions, certainly without any kind of outlet for them. There had to be something missing.

"What about letters? Phone calls?" Hikaru looked up sharply.

"I told you, Kyouya-"

"Yes." His eyes turned back to Kaoru just as quickly, who in turn was intently regarding their entwined hands.

"What?" he whispered and immediately regretted it, the way Kaoru flinched away from him. He held onto his hands, "Kaoru, you never…"

"There… there were letters. A-after the first two, three, I started throwing them away unopened a-and then pretty soon they stopped coming." His voice stayed low, barely above a whisper, but Hikaru could hear the panic gathering behind it. "And there were phone calls, but they stopped when we got new numbers and there were other people as well and… and I… I didn't think it _meant_ anything, I _didn't_-"

"All right, that's enough."

"Do you know if he continued to send you letters?"

"_That's enough._" Hikaru repeated, standing between Kaoru and their senpai again. Behind him, his brother's hands gripped the sheets tightly, bending forward, shoulders shaking. "I let you stay before, but you're leaving. Now."

"I'll have a doctor bring you the discharge papers."

"_Leave_." Hikaru pointed at the door, watching Kyouya until it was shut it behind him. He sighed as he turned around again – and Kaoru lifted his head briefly before hiding it in his knees again, releasing an aching sob. Hikaru took his seat on the edge of the bed again "I told you before; nothing you can tell me will make me leave. Why are you so convinced that I'm going to hate you because of this?"

"It's not important." Kaoru shook his head again, straightening up, taking an unsteady breath and looking away, blinking back tears and swiping a hand across his cheeks to make certain they're gone.

"What isn't? The letters, or the reason you think I'm going to abandon you?"

"Both." Hikaru leaned back a little, regarding Kaoru in disbelief.

"Kaoru…"

"Let's just… let's just go home now. Please?" He implored softly.

"…all right." Hikaru opened his arms, and Kaoru hesitated a moment before resting against his chest with a ragged sigh. His arms wrapped around Hikaru's waist and only then did he notice the absence of the cold metal cuffs around his wrists, that they had been replaced with soft rolls of gauze. "I'm sorry," Hikaru murmured, gently stroking his hair, "I won't ask about it again, okay? But if you need to talk I'll listen, I promise." Kaoru nodded. "How do you feel?"

"Warmer now." He mumbled into his shoulder. "Cold before…" They fell silent for a while. Hikaru thought Kaoru had started to fall asleep until he suddenly spoke up again, "'karu?"

"Hmm?" He glanced down. Kaoru was still again, his eyes open and fixed as if he'd just realised something.

"Did he… make me sick?"

"No. No, Kaoru. Everything's fine." He continued running his fingers through Kaoru's hair. "Do you want to go back to sleep for a while?"

"I-I thought we were going home…"

"We are. Just waiting to sign some papers and then we can go."

"That's it?" Hikaru nodded.

"That's it." He replied, "No more tests, no more questions." Kaoru watched him for a moment, then settled again.

"Sorry. You… you've been very patient." He hated it, hated the way his mood kept changing from one moment to the next. He didn't feel safe, not always, not even with Hikaru with him. It was hard. People made it harder, confused him. But he hated it more because he _knew_ Hikaru, and Hikaru wasn't patient. Not normally.

"And you've been very brave."

"No." That wasn't right either. Kaoru swallowed. "Didn't have anything to do with it. I was…" he bit his lip, couldn't quite get those words out yet. "I couldn't run." He managed finally. Hikaru shook his head.

"In this, I mean." He clarified, stilling his hand, "I know… it's been hard on you. But we're done now."

"Don't stop." Kaoru whispered abruptly.

"Hmm?"

"Just…" he shifted a little closer, clutching at Hikaru's shirt. "Just don't. When… when it's you i-it… helps, somehow, I don't know…"

Understanding a little, Hikaru resumed combing through Kaoru's hair with his fingertips. If it helped, it helped, and Kaoru actually settled, his breathing soft against Hikaru's shoulder as he drifted off.

"Go to sleep." He repeated softly. "We'll go home soon."

Typically, the moment couldn't last. There was another tap on the door and Hikaru was fully prepared to drag Kyouya outside by his hair if he'd come back to bother them. But it was the doctor, not Kyouya who opened the door with a hushed request to speak to Hikaru outside. He was hesitant to put Kaoru down, glad that he didn't wake as he pulled the blankets around him brushed back his hair. But he still refused to leave the room as she talked to him, choosing to lean against the door frame, throwing glances back to his sleeping brother every few seconds and ignoring the private police guards posted outside, who looked to be pretty oblivious to anything but their job anyway.

He signed the papers she offered and she advised him of what to expect. He didn't like what she had to say because she expressed concerns that were already weighing heavily on his mind – depression, self-harm – things that he didn't really want to focus on because getting Kaoru safely through this was most important. She gave him painkillers, bandages, sleeping pills, telephone numbers. He didn't want to listen, even though he knew he had to, because the stubborn part of him insisted that this was his responsibility, that _he_ had to be the one to make this right, and that it wasn't an outsider's place to even _suggest_ how he should take care of his own brother.

Though he knew he'd already failed spectacularly in that regard.

He thanked her with effort and only as he left did one of the guards chime in that there was a car waiting to take them home. They could leave whenever they were ready. Distractedly he handed over the bag the doctor had given him, and shut the door again, moving back to the bedside. Kaoru still had not woken, and Hikaru almost hadn't the heart to disturb him. He took his brother's hand murmured his name and was very careful not to crowd him out as he woke up. He didn't fight this time – Hikaru supposed he'd not had the time to fall into a nightmare like before.

"Hey," he smiled. "Ready to go home?" Kaoru nodded, reaching to wrap his hands around Hikaru's shoulders and pull himself close.

"Carry me again?" He requested uncertainly, his fingers curling around handfuls of Hikaru's shirt. Hikaru smiled into his brother's hair, steadying him.

"You're not light, you know."

"Yeah." Kaoru shut his eyes tight, "But you don't mind."

* * *

The letters _hadn't_ stopped coming.

A few calls to the right places and Kyouya soon found himself in possession of several stacks of the twins' fan mail – the Hitachiins' maids had kept the lot, rather than throw them away. At least it made Kyouya's job easier… in a sense. Not all of the letters were from Kaoru's attacker. A good deal of them were vapid declarations of eternal love from the twins' early clients who had since moved on to other hosts, or left the establishment entirely. The real job was wading through those to find what he was _really_ looking for.

He added another letter to the stack of dead ends and pushed up his glasses a little. So far they had an idea of what had happened and Kaoru had confirmed some of it. Not one, but two Ouran blazers had been found over the past day – one in the car they'd found earlier that morning, and the other recovered in pieces from the abandoned house they'd managed to trace back to in Nagano which even now was still being swept for evidence. Yuzuha had said with certainty that the blazer found in the car was not her son's – the second was missing too many pieces to tell for certain, but if one of them was the attacker's, the other was most likely Kaoru's. Meaning the attacker had most likely used the uniform to get into the school premises before disposing of the driver and donning his. The problem now was establishing exactly when he had got into the school, who had let him in, and when it was that he'd managed to set the security equipment to loop footage. He had done a great deal to avoid detection, but at least Kyouya could leave that problem in the hands of the professionals and deal with what concerned him directly.

It was a relatively rare occurrence in the first place for the Host Club to receive male clientele, though not unheard of. Even though he and Tamaki had established it with an aim towards catering to Ouran's pampered teenage girls, there was no policy explicitly barring male clients, and students – particularly first years, transfer students, and those due to graduate – would naturally get curious over what the fuss was about.

It narrowed the search parameters a good deal, at least. Kyouya had a list of possible names, and was now trying to find something that matched up to one of them.

He sighed and opened another envelope. He was in for a long night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

It had been a long day, and when they finally got upstairs Kaoru pulled back slightly, a little unsteady now he was on his feet, murmuring that he should probably clean up. He had slept a little in the car on the way home, but the slamming doors and stopping-starting motion had unsettled him, and he'd fallen to staring out of the windows instead, his head resting on Hikaru's shoulder.

Really, Kaoru wanted to bathe, feeling it would get him cleaner, but Hikaru was more worried about him falling asleep in the water, even if it might help him calm down. He didn't contradict him – they'd cleaned Kaoru up mostly at the hospital but it was understandable if he still didn't _feel_ clean.

"I… I can shower now and bathe later, right?" Kaoru managed a ghost of his normal smile, which Hikaru returned,

"Sure. But you need to get some sleep, too."

"Yeah…"

It took a moment for them to realise one of them had to move.

"I-I'll be all right on my own…"

"I'll… get some tea, or something."

"Mmm." They both moved – Hikaru first, he thought, and Kaoru cautiously ventured into the room, pulling the curtains shut.

Hikaru started down the stairs, moving into the kitchen. Most of the staff had been off duty since the previous night, but the place was still spotless, even though it felt slightly bizarre without police officers clustered around the table, waiting…

There was plenty of security in and around the house, though – it was strange that they'd never felt the need before, but Hikaru was glad of it. So too for the lack of maids, who were taking care to give them their space: he didn't need the questions, and would rather busy himself with something he could concentrate on, so he could get his mind off the last day or so, just for a while.

He knew how to make tea the commoner way, and the real way. Vaguely. The real way was slower, and he didn't care if he was mangling the art of tea ceremony by doing it his way. Besides, Kaoru had always liked tea better when Hikaru made it like this. He absorbed himself in watching the water for the right bubbles, poured out the correct number of infusions, and carried the pot and a couple of mugs upstairs again.

The room was shrouded in darkness when Hikaru got there, and he carefully made his way across the floor, setting down the tray carefully beside Kaoru's bed, thinking he was already sleeping, until he heard the sound of the shower running in the next room. He knocked on the bathroom door – no response, and he briefly panicked, until he remembered their maids had removed all of the sharp objects (and a fair few blunt ones) from the bathroom cabinets while he had been downstairs last night. He tapped the door,

"Kaoru? I'm coming in?" Hikaru slipped inside, glancing around to see if Kaoru had got out of the shower. He hadn't, and there were soft sobs bouncing off the tiles that the sound of the running water couldn't quite cover. Wordlessly, Hikaru started running water into their tub, preparing Kaoru a bath with plenty of bubbles.

The shower water was running cold when he stepped inside, and it took him a moment to realise Kaoru had left it that way. He was huddled in a corner, trailing sodden bandages, arms wrapped around his knees, and he glanced up as Hikaru shut off the water.

"I couldn't get clean enough after all." He managed shakily, before burying his head and starting to weep again. Hikaru knelt down in front of him on the tiles, and pulled him gently into his arms. He was shivering again.

"It's all right," He murmured, "Kaoru, it's all right now," He rocked slightly on his knees, heedless of the water soaking into his clothes from Kaoru and the shower floor, "There's a bath running for you if you want it…" he offered, pulling off the trailing bandages he could reach. Kaoru nodded against his shoulder, and Hikaru got up, taking care not to slip, and kept his brother held against him, "You're very brave," he said again softly, kneeling again beside the bath, "So brave." This time Kaoru did not contest him, simply wrapped his arms tight around him. Hikaru leaned forward to check the temperature and turn off the water. "Am I moving too fast?"

"Don't move at all. Just for now."

"All right." He held still, fingertips tracing small circles on Kaoru's bare shoulders. Kaoru's head rested in the crook of his neck as he breathed a shaky sigh.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, leaning back, "I'm getting you…"

"It's all right," Hikaru repeated, pushing damp locks out of Kaoru's eyes, "It's just water." After the past day or so, he really couldn't care less about his clothes getting wet. "Ready now?" He nodded, damp against his shoulder, and Hikaru gently lifted him into the tub, watching his face for any signs of distress, but all Kaoru did was grip his arms a little tighter, a shiver rippling through his body as he settled in the water with a sigh.

"…wash my back?" he requested tentatively.

"You'll tell me if I need to stop, right?" Kaoru nodded and Hikaru wet the sponge, moving it carefully over his brother's skin, slowing down over the bruises and bite marks.

"I…" He spoke suddenly and Hikaru stopped. Kaoru hesitated, as if he hadn't quite expected the words to escape, "I keep… expecting to wake up."

"Wake up where?" Hikaru asked gently, squeezing warm water from the sponge onto Kaoru's shoulders. If he was talking it was a good sign – Hikaru wanted to encourage it. Kaoru shivered.

"I don't… not _here_, I think," He whispered. Hikaru hummed, rubbing small circles down Kaoru's arms with the sponge. Kaoru sighed and sank back in the water, "But I'm not going to wake up there."

"Nowhere else but here," Hikaru reassured, moving the sponge back up to Kaoru's shoulders again. He jumped when he touched too close to his neck, and Hikaru slipped his hand behind Kaoru's head before he could hit it on the edge of the bath, "Shhh… I'm sorry."

"Try again," Kaoru murmured, his eyes open and watching the ceiling, "Sorry I… I just thought…"

"What?" Hikaru asked softly. He didn't try again, choosing to move the cloth back to the safer territory of his arms.

"I can't."

They were quiet for a while, Hikaru's movements taking a gradually established path – one arm to the other, and gently across Kaoru's chest as he dozed a little; his head pillowed and supported by Hikaru's other hand. He couldn't figure out whether or not Kaoru looked better, but it was still early. He knew the bruises would get worse, stand out as a testament to his failure. That they'd both get sorer before things got better.

He stroked Kaoru's cheek with the sponge, coaxing his attention back to him.

"Wash your face and hair. Then bed." It was a request for permission rather than an order. Kaoru nodded barely perceptibly, and Hikaru reached for the shampoo, taking care not to get any soap in his brother's eyes. He seemed to relax a little more at the feeling of Hikaru's hands – careful, gentle, attentive - through his hair. He'd hit his head before, several times, he could remember, and Hikaru skimmed over the back of his head without pressing too hard.

He knew – he'd said so before. He just did.

Hikaru pulled the plug and, wrapping Kaoru in more towels than he really needed, carried him out of the bathroom and back into their bedroom. He rested his hand against the kettle as he set Kaoru down against the pillows – it was still warm, and the tea was probably just at the right temperature to drink. Kaoru managed a small smile when he noticed him check.

"Yes, please."

"Get your hair dry first, yeah?"

"Mm," He caught hold of Hikaru's wrist as he got up to find the hairdryer, "No. Too loud."

"All right." It took him a few moments and some soft reassurances before Kaoru let him out of his grip long enough to retrieve more towels, and the bag of stuff from the hospital that had been left outside their door.

Kaoru was resettling the towels around himself when he got back, and he eyed the bag suspiciously.

"Pills?"

"Bandages. There are pills there if you think you need them."

"Okay," He shifted so Hikaru could sit on the bed and stack up the bandages – most of them to cover, rather than serve any real purpose, though the bandages on Kaoru's feet, he needed. He gently towelled his brother's hair dry, before moving to his feet with caution and putting the right bandages in the right places. He'd watched carefully at the hospital, managed to put all the dressings where they belonged. The stitches, where they were needed, were holding, and to his relief he didn't seem to be causing Kaoru any undue pain or distress. That was the last thing he wanted.

Even so, he still hesitated at his neck.

"I-it's all right," Kaoru said quietly, "Just not… not tight, okay?"

"All right. How does your chest feel?" He unconsciously wrapped the towels closer.

"Hurts a little. She said not to put any bandages…"

"No, I know," He paused halfway through winding the gauze, "How did _you_ know that?"

"I heard everything she said." He knew, too. He just did.

He didn't elaborate and Hikaru didn't press him as he finished up and dried off Kaoru's hair again.

"You… you could get some hot water," Kaoru suggested, "The tea might be a little strong if it's been standing all that time…"

"Need anything else?"

"Clothes." He nodded, shifting in the towels in emphasis. Right. Hikaru went to retrieve some from one of the wardrobes at the other side of the room, dropping a kiss on his brother's forehead before he left, assuring he'd be right back. "Thank you…"

The door shut behind him and Kaoru dressed quickly. It was suddenly different when he was on his own. Quiet. And there was a clock on the wall and it was ticking. Unbearably. Without Hikaru's voice, the rustling of blankets and clothes to cover it, the sound was suddenly all the more noticeable. He was on his feet before he even realised it, shakily crossing the distance to take it down. It was just out of his reach, just…

He fell, hissed, swore, the clock bouncing painfully off his shoulder to hit the carpet. Desperate, he grabbed for it, struggled with shaking hands to get the batteries out but they wouldn't _wouldn't_ come free. Hoping he could break it he hurled it away. It bounced off one of the bedside cabinets, a crack in its face, and didn't stop ticking.

He curled in on himself, covering his ears. He'd been able to distract himself before, in other things, keep his mind off it, keep it out of his head and with it, the panic, the reasons he had to…

No. No, no, no. It was done. That was done, and it was supposed to get better now, it was _supposed_ to, and he hated it, hated it, hated it because sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn't, and he didn't know what to expect next.

It was a clock. A _clock_, for god's sake, and it had him cowering and whimpering on the floor.

The door opened and he started, automatically backing up into the wall, arms wrapping around his chest – he'd fallen awkwardly and jarred his ribs – but it was Hikaru, just Hikaru, it was all right…

"Hey… Kaoru, hey, what happened?"

"Just…" He held him off, pointing shakily to the clock on the floor, "Just… that, please…"

Puzzled, Hikaru moved to pick up the clock, and glanced back at him in confusion.

"Are you-"

"Just take the batteries out," He whispered desperately, his eyes on the second hand as it jumped around the edge of the face. "_Please_."

Still confused, but willing to comply, Hikaru prised out the batteries with his fingertips and put the clock back down on the floor, moving to sit down at Kaoru's side. He had drawn himself up again when he got back to his side, one arm wrapped around his chest.

"Does it hurt?"

"You must think I'm crazy," he managed weakly, shifting to rest his head against Hikaru's shoulder.

"Not until you start hearing voices," He murmured back, his hand against the side of his head, rubbing, soothing, letting him lean there, "And probably not even then. Can you get up?"

"Legs gave out," He replied, shaking his head, "Tried to get the clock down myself and…" he gestured with his free hand, "Sorry. Shouldn't have overdone it."

"It happens," Hikaru shifted, stroking Kaoru's cheek gently, "You seem calmer though."

"Yeah…" The absence of the clock's ticking was a relief. He wasn't listening for it anymore, wasn't waiting for…

"Want some of that tea now?" He nodded, and Hikaru helped him up, taking most of his weight as he helped him back over to the bed. He sighed, taking in Kaoru's appearance. "Your buttons are all crooked…" He murmured, leaning down to fix them. Kaoru held still, his eyes wandering around their room. It had always been their room, but for some reason it was different now – different, he couldn't say way.

"It's cold." He said softly. His eyes fell on the jacket – Hikaru's – that he'd been wearing since he had been picked up from the station.

"Liar," Hikaru murmured gently, snagging it from the chair it hung on and wrapping it around his brother's shoulders, "It's going to be fine." He reassured, handing over a mug of tea and sitting down on the edge of the bed, brushing back Kaoru's hair, "It's all over now." Kaoru was silent for a while, staring into the mug with a distant expression on his face.

"Yeah," He echoed softly, like he used to when they were kids, "Over."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

By the time their parents got home a little while later, they'd moved down onto the floor between their two beds – one blanket spread underneath them, the other wrapped around Kaoru. After shaking off his initial panic, he'd managed to sleep, and that in itself was a small relief, even if – and Hikaru knew he was probably right – it was just a side effect of the pain medication he'd taken.

He slept fitfully but didn't wake until Yuzuha came to join them; curling up with her sons amidst the scattered blankets and pillows Hikaru had been holding onto the night before. Their father, as always, faded into the background, but they knew he was there. His concern was just as palpable as their mother's.

When Yuzuha had first tried to touch him, Kaoru had flinched away – still half-asleep, he couldn't help it: her touch wasn't familiar the same way Hikaru's was.

"He's still feverish, honey…"

"He's been having nightmares…." A cool, damp cloth found its way into his hand somehow – from their father, probably, "I didn't want to leave him…" Hikaru gently pressed the flannel to Kaoru's forehead, cheeks and neck, his free hand entwined with his brother's reassuringly. His fever wasn't really so bad and he was coming gradually round, blinking as he brought his vision into focus.

"Mama..." She smiled, slipping her hand into his. This time he didn't pull away. "I thought you were working…"

"It's not important, baby."

"You shouldn't've..." He started to protest, shifting his head a little on the pillow. Hikaru leaned forward.

"Nobody's going anywhere," he soothed, touching Kaoru's cheek.

"But it's late..." His eyes automatically strayed to the clock, but fell upon a bare space on the wall. He sank back a little, closing his eyes and mumbling softly, "Broke the clock…"

"We took it down." Hikaru corrected, mostly for their mother's benefit as she turned to look, and repeated "It doesn't matter. Nobody's going anywhere."

This time around, Yuzuha prayed they wouldn't be interrupted. She needed the time with her boys, even if she wasn't going to be the one – wasn't going to be able - to fix this. She needed to be there. Kaoru looked sick and Hikaru, tired. At least Kaoru was resting, for the time being, but she knew Hikaru hadn't slept the night before. She knew he felt he had to be awake and attentive for his brother's sake and although he wasn't flagging yet – she leaned across to stroke his cheek - it was still important he get some sleep himself.

Kaoru seemed to notice this too and reached up for his brother sleepily.

"Lie down," He murmured.

"I'm all right…" Hikaru began to protest but Kaoru shook his head,

"Lie down," He repeated, "B'fore I pull you down myself."

He lay down, wrapping his arms around Kaoru as he settled against his chest.

"Both of you go to sleep," Yuzuha said softly, settling down herself to watch over her sons, "We're both staying with you tonight."

* * *

No one had left the room by the time sunrise found its way through the curtains. By unspoken agreement his parents had chosen to spend the night sleeping in turns, if they weren't both awake. Hikaru had been watching them – his father sat at the foot of Kaoru's bed, his mother at his brother's side on the floor. Hikaru would have probably slept himself if he'd had a way of keeping track of time – common sense would win out if he kept an eye on the clock – but neither of his parents had a watch with them, not even his mother. He'd caught a few snatches of sleep earlier in the night, but knew he needed to be awake. Kaoru needed him.

It was fully daylight but still early, he guessed, when there was a soft knock on the door. It opened after a brief pause to admit their maids.

"Hikaru-sama?"

They were waiting for him in the doorway and he hesitated – he had no problem leaving Kaoru with their parents, but was reluctant to leave his brother's side again, whether Kaoru was aware of it or not. He got to his feet anyway, knowing his father would take his place, and crept carefully across the room to the door, pulling it shut behind him.

The maids were holding an envelope between them, and silently they handed it to him.

"What's…?"

"Kyouya-sama said that if any more letters were to arrive we were to give them to you. This one arrived in the post box yesterday..."

"When…?" He flipped over the envelope in his hand in confusion – there was no return address, no post mark, nothing, and the envelope itself was heavy.

He thanked the maids distractedly and walked into the study adjoining their bedroom, flicking on the lights as he went to slump in a computer chair. He sighed, tilting the chair back a little and toyed briefly with the flap of the envelope, hesitated before he lunged forward for a letter opener to slit it open with.

He pulled out several handwritten pages, not sure what to expect as he opened it.

The opening line was enough to turn his stomach.

'You're fast asleep on the back seats of the car, and I know no matter how I hold you, how many times I kiss you, you won't remember these moments. I almost don't want to let you go. You are so beautiful right now…' Hikaru swallowed and shuffled the pages – there were another two to go after this one, and he wondered if they're all in the same vein.

They were.

The letter didn't get any less creepy as it went on, lewd descriptions of how the memories of the night made him feel, what he'd do to himself when he thought of – Hikaru had to exercise great self-restraint not to rip the letter to pieces, and even more to get to the end of the letter without burning it.

By the time he put the letter down his hands were shaking. There was a PS that sent his attention back to the envelope, and he hesitated as he picked it up as requested, not entirely sure he'd make it through more pages of the same gushing sentiments. But it wasn't a letter Hikaru drew out of the envelope next. Instead he tugged out several glossy cards, a disk slipping out from between them to roll onto the desk. He shuffled through the pages, eyes wide before he slammed them face-down on the table, hand rising to his mouth as his stomach clenched.

No. He had no right. He had _no right_ to do _anything_ to Kaoru in the first place. This, now, was just going too far.

It took Hikaru a while to pull himself back together and pick up the pages again. He took care not to look at them, stuffed the papers back into the envelope along with the disk, and grabbed the telephone, his hand hovering and about to dial.

He hesitated. Kaoru didn't have to know – _nobody_ needed to know, not ever. Least of all Kaoru and he certainly wouldn't as long as Hikaru could prevent it. He knew he was the last person Kaoru would have wanted to see something like this. Was that a betrayal? Would handing this envelope over be even worse?

No. Why was he even debating this? It was ridiculous for him to think that now, after everything. No matter what it's content the envelope was still evidence that needed to get to the right person, evidence that would help with the investigation that Kyouya had taken it upon himself to involve himself directly in, give up his time for. It was only his relation to this that was stopping him… but he knew now wasn't the time for thoughts like that. Everything had moved so fast _because_ of Kyouya – he would continue to be professional in the matter… surely…

There was no reason at all for Hikaru to doubt him. And Kaoru still didn't need to know.

He picked up the receiver and dialled before the doubts could be allowed to creep back.

* * *

Kyouya intended to take full advantage of his Sunday. He planned to go home, and spend it _sleeping_. Now, finally, he was sorting through a stack of letters from the attacker himself. There were still a substantial amount. Not all of them were dated, and he had to try to place them by information left in the letters themselves. And he had already expended most of his patience – he didn't have much more to waste on the insane ramblings that spanned pages upon pages. Copies had been sent out to various other people under his family's employ – psychologists, handwriting analysts - who had been ordered to work through the night.

He was the only one doing it voluntarily, and could take some comfort in the knowledge that he wasn't the only one being slowly worn down.

His cell phone started ringing on the table and he snatched it up, growling, "What?" before he could check who was calling.

"Kyouya?"

On the other end of the line Hikaru sounded awful, and Kyouya immediately pulled himself together.

"Something happened?"

"We got another letter a few moments ago." Hikaru hesitated. "Kyouya… the bastard sent him fucking _photographs_."

"…what?"

"_Photographs_, Kyouya." He could hear the strain in the older twin's voice over the phone, "Left in our mail yesterday, with another letter and – why didn't anyone see him, why would he send -"

"Calm down. Photographs of what?"

"Of -" Hikaru's voice broke slightly, "You _know_ what of. Of _that_. And a disk."

"Containing?"

"I don't _know_, Kyouya." Rustling in the background – unseen, Hikaru ran a hand through his hair, rubbed his eyes, checked that everything was back in the envelope again. "I just… get someone over here. I want it out of the house. Please, now."

"Has Kaoru seen this letter?"

"Of course not." Hikaru snapped back, "As if I'd let him see that after everything he's been through..."

He trailed off and Kyouya let the silence hang for a while.

"How is he?" Hikaru sent a sigh rattling down the line as he considered the question, not entirely sure where to start.

"All over the place," He admitted carefully, glancing back to the closed door, "After everything today - yesterday…" He corrected himself, "…he's sleeping now. Our parents are with him. He has nightmares…"

"Have you slept?"

"No." His hand raked through his hair again, agitated. "Kaoru needs me."

"You won't be of any help if you can't keep your eyes open. Make sure you get some sleep."

"I'm supposed to take that from you, when you've probably just pulled an all-nighter yourself?"

Kyouya began a swift counter-comment, but Hikaru didn't really hear it – he could hear Kaoru's voice raised in panic from the bedroom, and a banging door. Muttering an apology he slammed the phone down and ran back to their room. His parents were standing around the adjoining door to their bathroom, Yuzuha practically pounding on the door with her fist.

He pulled her away.

"What are you doing? What did you _do_?"

"He locked himself in…" Yuzuha gestured weakly towards the door and backed up to her husband, arms wrapped around herself.

"Calm down…"

"He has having a nightmare and he just…"

Still a little shaky, Hikaru breathed a sigh, pulled himself together and turned back to the door and knocking more gently on it.

"Kaoru? Wanna let me in?" Silence on the other side. Hikaru took a seat on the carpet, determined to wait it out until Kaoru let him in.

A couple of minutes and the lock clicked open. Hikaru slipped inside by himself. Kaoru was sat on the tiles, knees drawn up to his chest, and glanced up at him as he entered.

"Hey." He pulled a wan smile, which flickered and disappeared almost immediately. He sighed and tilted back his head. "Hate this." He breathed as Hikaru slid down to the floor to join him. "I'm… acting like a child. That thing with the clock and in the shower and now…"

"Kaoru…" He closed his eyes tight, knocked his head against the wall with a dull thunk and winced visibly, making no movement to close the gap between them even as Hikaru reached out, "Kaoru-"

"I can't do this. Not if it's going to be like this all the time, I can't…"

"Kaoru, shh… it's going to be fine…"

"She thought I was _scared_ of her, Hikaru. Our mother. And I…" He swallowed, opened his eyes to fix them on the ceiling, "I _was_. Didn't even know…"

"She didn't mean to scare you." He turned his head away as Hikaru shifted closer, recoiling,

"No. But I still thought…" They sat in silence for a while. Something in the room was dripping water and a shudder rippled through him. He closed his eyes, dashing out frustrated tears as he doubled over, fingertips gripping at his hair, trying to speak over the top of the noise so he couldn't hear, "I want to be _normal_. I want to go back to how things _should_ be..."

The sound stopped. When he opened his eyes to see what had happened, Hikaru was kneeling in front of him.

"Come here." He whispered. Kaoru barely hesitated a moment before crawling into his brother's arms, and Hikaru held onto him.

"Tell me what your dream was about?" He asked softly. Kaoru looked up, startled.

"I… He… he was…" He started to. He tried. But his throat closed up around the words and all he could manage was a choked sob, shaking his head.

"All right…"

"I was sick," He struggled, "Before, that's why…"

"Are you all right now?" Hikaru pulled back a little, concerned, "Does it hurt? Do you need anything?"

"Water." He mumbled, leaning back into his chest again. "Before… from the dream… I could still…" He hesitated, biting his lip. _Taste_…

"I'll get it for you." Hikaru murmured back, carefully putting him down. "Are you sure nothing hurts?"

"Everything does. I'll… be all right, maybe, I think." Kaoru watched him, half accusingly as he got to his feet. "You didn't sleep…" Hikaru smiled back and gently ruffled his hair.

"I can't sleep when you can't sleep, you know that."

"We both know that's not true."

"All right," He amended, "I can't sleep when I'm busy worrying about you." Kaoru's eyes followed him across the room and had he looked back, Hikaru would have seen his expression change. By the time he returned with the water Kaoru had caught himself.

"You… don't have to worry about me, you know." He tried as Hikaru handed him the glass.

"Yes," He replied, sitting down again by his side. "I do."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

* * *

Ouran High School was open that Monday, with several changes that should have been subtle, but hadn't been at all. For one thing, security. There had always been security guards around the place – even if you never saw them, that fact was a given. But now there were identity checks at all of the entrances and exits, and the presence of a security force was far more apparent.

Students were escorted everywhere, but that didn't stop the rumours spreading, stories springing up quickly in and between classes. Most of them agreed that police had been present on the campus over the weekend – there were still many areas across the school that were still cordoned off that morning, although the tape barring off those areas had been removed by the afternoon. The main question circulating was why – what could the police have been involved with? – though the most common one was murder or something similarly farfetched - and not something sensible like a random act of vandalism.

On top of all of this, Hikaru and Kaoru were both absent from class, and their lack of presence meant that they were easily incorporated into the theories spreading around the school. The only excuse Haruhi had to combat the excessive questions she was bombarded with was the one she had been given by a rather haggard-looking Kyouya-senpai earlier that morning. 'Off sick' was the phrase he had used. Really, that covered a variety of different scenarios. No one had told her anything, or even reassured her that there was no cause to worry. And then there had been that phone call from Hikaru…

The new security measures required all students to be escorted off-campus promptly at the end of their classes, so naturally all after-school activities were cancelled. Without Host Club to go to, Haruhi was somewhat surprised to find herself at a loose end, and ended up faltering at a bus stop.

All she really had to do was head over there if she wanted to know what this was all about.

She was outside the gates of the Hitachiins' mansion before she even realised she'd made a decision, and though she'd never imagined visiting to be as simple as marching up to the front door – the rich, after all, didn't have to follow standard conventions – Haruhi didn't expect to have to submit to such thorough checks before she was even allowed through the gate. At least at school, it had been a simple matter of showing her identity card (that, luckily, she had had replaced with a more up to date photograph to avoid any awkward questions). She had to wait while they ran her name through a computer – presumably to check up on her background – and answer a variety of questions while they were at it. Even then, she still wasn't allowed inside until the guards had phoned up to the house and found out whether she was allowed up or not.

Haruhi had thought the over-the-top security measures had been confined just to Ouran. The fact that they extended out here, too, practically confirmed the twins' involvement with… whatever it was that had happened on the campus that weekend. She didn't want to think it was anything that serious. It was probably just all the rumours she'd heard, perhaps, making her a little paranoid, causing her to assume the worst.

In any case – she opened her school bag under the careful watch of the guards, but they'd already searched it twice – if they wouldn't see her, she'd leave Hikaru and Kaoru the work they'd missed today, and she opened her notebook, ready to pen them a brief note.

* * *

Despite everything they'd discussed, Kaoru had started to dig his heels in on the Sunday evening. Even though he knew it was going to happen, it still made Hikaru's heart sink a little. Kaoru refused to take anything for the pain, wouldn't eat no matter how anyone tried to tempt him, and only pretended to sleep when they turned in for the night. Hikaru had woken in the small hours of the morning to find him absent, a light showing from under the study door, and his brother inside typing up line after line of basic, the computer screen illuminating his pale face.

It was a distraction, he claimed. It helped, he said.

It wasn't and it didn't: it was just a horrible type of self harm disguising itself as self-preservation, and Kaoru was too tired, too desperate for some kind of control to see it for the trap that it was.

He felt like his life was falling apart, and Hikaru could understand it, his need to reach out for and grasp hold of anything he could find, any control he could get. But it meant that he, the older brother, wasn't good enough. And he needed to be. He needed to keep Kaoru from being taken in by this - even if he couldn't remember it in the morning, even if they kept going through the same thing over and over again – he needed to.

Kaoru could barely even stand as it was, and Hikaru carried him back to bed himself, holding on to him until he stopped struggling, stopped shouting. It took a while, and for the most part Kaoru sobbed into his shoulder, whispering feverish nonsense. He was scared and sick and tired and hurting, and Hikaru wasn't going to let him go, even if it was more heartbreaking to watch him fall to pieces like this than it was to hold him as he thrashed his way through a nightmare. It took a good deal of coaxing before he could get Kaoru to take anything for the pain, and only once Hikaru knew he was asleep did he run to fetch a damp washcloth from the bathroom, reluctant even to leave Kaoru's side for a moment.

Hikaru had stayed up with him for the rest of the night, and still hadn't slept. Kaoru's sleep had been fitful and plagued with nightmares well into the morning, but he seemed to be more settled now, and his temperature had gone back down again.

He sighed, lowering his phone. Of course he wanted Haruhi to come up, but it really more a matter of Kaoru being up to it.

"What're you gonna tell her?" Kaoru murmured, watching him guardedly from his lap. He was still tired, his eyelids were heavy and he looked as if he were just about to drop off again.

"That it's very important for you to get some sleep." Hikaru's voice was gentle but firm. "You're not going to push yourself like you did yesterday, or you'll just make yourself sick again."

"Who's pushing themselves?" Kaoru challenged quietly. "_You've _hardly slept either, have you?"

"Not when I've been running around after you, no." He replied fondly.

Kaoru shut his eyes and turned his head away.

"So she's not coming up, then?"

Hikaru sighed, and stroked Kaoru's hair.

"What do you want her to know?"

* * *

Kaoru had fallen asleep again by the time Haruhi had finally been escorted upstairs. Hikaru was glad in a way – it gave him a chance to take Haruhi aside and explain things one on one, though he still wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. Because she was going to ask: how could she not? He'd almost forgotten it was a school day, naturally she would have heard _something_…

He led her into the study from the hall, and continued to glance through the adjoining door to their bedroom to keep an eye on his brother.

He held onto her hands, praying she'd hear him out as he told her everything, everything that had only been communicated with knowing looks, sighs, the barest of words between family members. They'd never really talked about it amongst themselves – they all knew already.

He started at the beginning, the Friday night, the phone call, remembers how he started it – "Kaoru was…" – and then the words gathered momentum, tangled up, tripped over themselves to get out of his mouth following one after the other.

When his words dried up, his shaking legs forced him to sit down. He didn't realise there were angry tears on his cheeks until Haruhi handed him a handkerchief from her pocket. Pressing a hand briefly to her lips, she sat down on the sofa beside him – everything beginning to fall into place. Schoolwork suddenly seemed unimportant.

"How is he now?" She asked quietly. Hikaru shook his head, trying to pull himself together.

"It's…" Hikaru trailed off. He wasn't even _sure_ anymore. "The bastard broke his ribs, Haruhi. The doctors said he should get lots of rest and put him on pretty strong stuff for the pain. But he has nightmares when he sleeps so he doesn't want... He tried to go without yesterday and he was so on edge and… he's scared and he _hurts_. And I hardly know what to do for him. If he could maybe tell me about his nightmares I might be able to help… maybe. But the last thing I want to do is push him. If he stopped trusting me…" He shook his head, abruptly switching the subject. "What about school? Did Kyouya…?" Haruhi shrugged.

"He hardly said anything to me. And Tamaki-senpai wasn't himself either…" So Tono knew? Hikaru bowed his head slightly. He had to find out some way or another, after all. "After school activities got cancelled as well, but Kyouya-senpai said Host Club wouldn't be operating for a while." She hesitated. "He only said you were both off sick… he didn't say anything else."

"Just…" he began, "When club starts up again just… be careful, okay? If something weird happens you tell Kyouya or Tamaki-senpai right away and don't let it get out of hand, all right?"

She considered him briefly, her bright eyes boring into his tired ones. He looked away first.

"All right." She acquiesced, resolving to stamp down her questions for the time being. "All right."

"Good."

He expected Kyouya to implement some kind of measure should the club reopen – if ever. But he'd needed to hear it from Haruhi. For his own sake.

A sound behind them made them both glance up, and Hikaru sighed, getting up and moving to the adjoining door. With one hand he turned down the lights a little as he leaned into the bedroom.

"You should be sleeping…" he admonished gently. Kaoru stumbled back a step and shook his head,

"I don't want to sleep any more." He murmured, pulling the blanket he'd half-dragged across the room tighter around him.

"Okay. Do you still not want to talk to me about it?" Hikaru had a good idea of the answer, but asked anyway. He was unsurprised when Kaoru shook his head again, and he held out his hand. "Come on. Haruhi's here if you still want to see her."

Kaoru barely hesitated before taking a hold, drawing in close to his brother as he led him through.

"Hey,"

"Hi, Haruhi." He replied softly, still clinging to Hikaru. "How was school?" She smiled and moved up so they could both sit down.

"Weird." She admitted, "Quiet, without the two of you."

"You mean boring." Hikaru corrected, and smiled when Kaoru chuckled softly.

"But you probably got a lot of studying done without us..."

It was good to see him smiling too, if briefly, and Hikaru hoped that Haruhi's visit and the accompanying small-talk would prove to be a good distraction – would help to take Kaoru's mind off everything that had happened, even for a little while.

Naturally it didn't last for very long. On the desk, the telephone started to ring and the sudden noise was more than enough to startle him. He struggled to hold himself together - pressing his lips tight shut to swallow a whimper, and pulling the blanket closer around his shoulders, drawing inward. Hikaru leaned over, concerned.

"Kaoru…"

He shook his head. Just a few seconds ago he'd been fine, and now - now he was shaking like a leaf.

"Answer that." He whispered, shutting his eyes. "_Please_, Hikaru..."

Hikaru was already on his feet, moving to the desk with the intention to cut off the caller straight away. But the identification that flashed up made him hesitate, and he picked up the receiver, cradling it against his chest with an apologetic look.

"It's Kyouya." He explained, his gaze darting briefly to Haruhi. "I need to take this…"

Eyes shut tight, Kaoru nodded, and Hikaru rested his hand on his brother's head before slipping into the next room, the door clicking shut behind him.

In the darkness behind his closed eyelids Kaoru was flat on his back, a strong, heavy arm pressing down on his throat to hold him there, and-

He jerked upright again when Haruhi touched him. From her expression, he knew he'd cried out.

"Sorry," he managed faintly, the shaking hand he'd raised to fend her off moving to cover his face instead, "Sorry, I just…"

"Your bandages have come loose." Haruhi explained, gesturing. She wasn't wrong - Kaoru hadn't even noticed the looseness of the bindings on his raised hand. Too violent a shake and they'd have probably slid clean off. One-handed, he tried to pull them taught again – he must have been trying to tug them off in his sleep – but the other hand was similarly wrapped and clumsy. He'd been just about to give up when Haruhi took the end of the bandage herself.

"Here," She smiled, straightening out the material, and said nothing of the cuts and grazes on his palms and the chafed skin on the inside of his wrists. The injuries weren't as raw as they once were. He just didn't like to see them.

"I need help," he whispered, sinking back down again as she worked, settling on the edge of the sofa beside him. "I can't do this by myself."

"Don't worry about it; I'll take care of this." Kaoru shook his head.

"That's not what I meant." He admitted softly, reluctantly, not looking at her. Haruhi's eyes narrowed in confusion

"You're not by yourself."

"I will be."

"Kaoru…"

"Hikaru isn't… patient. He'll give up on me soon."

"Hikaru isn't going to leave you." The bandage was neatly retied, but Haruhi still kept a hold of his hand. "He won't."

He smiled, just a little, as if she had misunderstood something.

"Yeah, he will." He hesitated, settling back and rubbing his other hand across his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. "I know him, Haruhi. We've always… thrown away anything that inconvenienced us. There's no reason Hikaru should give up so much for me. I know how that sounds," he added when she opened her mouth to speak again, "I just… feel like he's only here to prove something. Sometimes he says things that make me just… feel like he's putting everything on hold for me. If I'm like this forever – I know he says I won't be, but what if I am? – I don't want him to spend his life waiting for me. And I don't want to spend _my_ life waiting for him to walk out. I can't."

Kaoru dropped his gaze and fidgeted slightly.

"I _know_ he hates this." He whispered. "I know he hates that I'm like this. So why doesn't he just leave?"

"Because he doesn't hate _you_." Her hands gently tightened around his. "Kaoru, Hikaru's worried about you. He isn't going anywhere." She sighed, "He said you've not been sleeping…"

"I can't talk about that." he replied flatly, turning his head away. His dreams scared him too much to discuss them, even though he knew it could help. "I can't. I see things all the time and I _know_ I'm not crazy, I just…" He broke off with a soft laugh that wasn't the same as the one from earlier, "I want to be like before. I want to play games, see our friends, go back to school. But I can't go back. Not to Ouran, anyway. I know I shouldn't really consider it until I can bring myself to leave the house. It scares me too much and I… I freak out over _everything_. I scared my parents off; it's only a matter of time before Hikaru gives up too-"

"Kaoru…"

"He should just…"

"Kaoru _stop_." Haruhi took a gentle hold of his shoulders, more worried about hurting him than startling him - not that she believed she could. She just wanted to snap him out of it; he'd always had a better grip on things than his brother, for the most part, and it was odd to watch him lose it. "Listen." She urged when she had his attention, "There isn't anything to panic about right now. Hikaru isn't going anywhere." She couldn't speak for him in the future, couldn't begin to imagine what Kaoru had already gone through and the length of the journey ahead of him, but she was certain that most of his worries were completely unfounded.

"Hikaru isn't going to leave you." She knew that she wasn't the one who was going to make him believe in that, but she was still going to try. "The last thing he's going to do it let you go through this by yourself. Nobody's going to give up on you, Hikaru least of all."

"…maybe he should."

"Kaoru-" They both glanced up at a knock on the door. It opened, and Hikaru leaned inside.

"Haruhi… would you wait for me a sec?" She nodded, leaning towards Kaoru again.

"Talk to him." She encouraged softly, "If not now, then try to do it soon." She gently squeezed his shoulders before she slipped into the hall, pulling the door shut. Behind her, Hikaru crossed the room in a few swift strides and wrapped his arms around his brother, pulling him close, holding him tight.

"Kaoru," she only just caught his voice before she stepped away, muffled against his brother's shoulder, "It's over."

* * *

Hikaru came out of the bedroom a few minutes later and he offered her a strained smile.

"He said you two were talking."

"Yes." She nodded. "Were you…"

"I wasn't listening in, no." He replied, running a hand through his hair. Haruhi realised with some shock that he was shaking.

"Hikaru, what was…"

"They got him," he interrupted quietly. "Kyouya's team managed to find him, he… his company took care of all the security at the school, that's why he was able to…" He trailed off, breathed a shaky sigh, and she waited for him to continue.

"You know what he did?" He went on, anger making his voice more intense, "You know what he did once he'd finished with my brother? He went _home_. Visited his parents, went on with his life like nothing had happened, like he hadn't even…" He raked his hands through his hair. "He has a little sister, Kyouya said. Kaoru's age. I don't get how he could have just… when Kaoru was in so much pain and… why did _Kaoru_ have to suffer while that bastard carried on like he hadn't done anything wrong? Why…" his voice cracked, "Why did any of this have to happen?"

He gritted his teeth and slumped against the wall, away from her. She watched him.

"What are you going to do?" She asked quietly. Hikaru looked straight back at her, the resolve in his eyes so clear she couldn't help but take a step back. "Hikaru …"

"I know, I know." He swallowed, agitated, clearly torn. "The last thing I want to do is leave Kaoru on his own, he always gets really scared by himself… but he'll be sleeping for a couple of hours and I'll be back before he wakes up. And I…" he trailed off, gesturing vaguely, "He's right _there_, Haruhi. He's hurt Kaoru in ways he can't even talk to me about and I think… if I went… I'd understand better. Haruhi… please? We sent our parents back to work and I don't… I don't trust anyone else."

Haruhi couldn't tell whether he was asking her to look after Kaoru, or for permission to leave, but she assented with a brief nod of her head.

Hikaru straightened up, pushing away from the wall.

"If he wakes up don't… don't tell him where I've gone. It'll only scare him…"

"Just make sure you hurry back." She replied levelly, "And talk to him, when you get home."

Not waiting for a reply, she turned around and slipped into the bedroom. The door clicked shut behind her, and Hikaru was left watching the bare wood for several moments.

"…Thanks," he whispered softly, then turned and started down the hall himself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

**Note:** …it's been another of those chapters. If there had been a suitable point to cut if off and post it at, I would have done that, but I knew most of this wouldn't work in a separate chapter. Unfortunately that means that we only have the epilogue to go, and that's likely to be quite short.

So here you go. A super-long update – have at it :D

* * *

Hikaru didn't know quite what he was expecting of the place, never mind the person he was about to see. He was surprised to find himself in one of the Ootori group's large, modern buildings, and instead of going down into some basement he was sent to the upper levels of the building – which, given the amount of security he had to be escorted through, could still work just as well against an escape attempt. Kyouya was waiting to meet him from the elevator, and he wasted no time in getting straight to the point.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Hikaru nodded; his stomach turning. If Kyouya was trying to sway his resolve, he was doing a damn good job of it. He shoved his shaking hands into his pockets to hide them and followed Kyouya down the hall.

"Did you leave someone with Kaoru?"

"Haruhi came by. Whatever you said to her, she clearly wasn't buying it." He shrugged. "I'm kind of glad though. They talked for a while, while I was on the phone with you."

"That's a good sign."

"I guess. I don't know what they talked about." A moment's silence.

"And how are you?"

Hikaru sighed, his shoulders hunching a little.

"It's really not about me, is it?" He shrugged, changing the subject, "…Haruhi said Tono wasn't himself today. Did he…"

"He knows," Kyouya confirmed quietly, "And he's furious."

"Tono is?" He sighed again. Tamaki would have found out anyway, but he understood why Kaoru hadn't wanted him to. It was Tamaki's club that had been the root of it all. Therefore Tamaki would place the blame on himself, and no one else.

"You're surprised?" Kyouya glanced back, blinking behind his glasses, "You're his precious children, after all…"

"…mmm." In the silence that followed, their footsteps echoed in the hallway and Hikaru contemplated what Kyouya had just said. It wasn't that he was surprised at Tamaki's reaction, just the word Kyouya had used for it. _Furious_. It wasn't like their vice-president to exaggerate – that was Tamaki's job – nor would Kyouya apply such a word to one of Tamaki's usual, overblown reactions. It wasn't his way. For Tamaki to be angry – really, truly angry on their account… it wasn't something either of them had ever expected.

Hikaru shook his head. He could pursue that avenue of thought later – right now, there was a question that had been bugging him for some time. He hesitated.

"Kyouya? What was on that disk?"

Ahead of him Kyouya turned around, stopping so abruptly Hikaru just barely avoided walking into him. The older boy actually looked unsure – he _never_ looked unsure – as if he were weighing up what he was about to say before he eventually replied.

"…there were more photos on the disk." He said slowly, "As well as copies of the ones that were sent to you. There was also another message to Kaoru and…" he hesitated, "And several video clips."

Hikaru stared at him in disbelief.

"What…?"

"We found more of the same on his personal computer, and seized the cameras he used to record the images with – several stationary, one of them handheld. He recorded… everything."

The corridor fell into a ringing silence when Kyouya had stopped speaking. His mouth suddenly dry Hikaru swallowed, stumbling back a few steps to lean heavily against the wall.

"_Why_?" he hissed, hands clenching into fists at his sides, "Why would he send that stuff to Kaoru, why would he…"

"He's crazy."

"He's sick." Hikaru corrected bitterly, "He's _sick_."

That was an understatement – Kyouya couldn't quite get his head around it himself, but for Hikaru's sake he had to try to.

"He's proud of what he did." He said quietly. "He's proud he got Kaoru away from you. Everything we've seen so far suggests he's as obsessed with Kaoru as we thought… probably more so. He seems to believe that Kaoru wanted it. That he should be proud, too."

"But Kaoru _didn't_… you saw how he hurt himself trying to…"

"He doesn't think Kaoru was trying to escape. He wrote about what he wanted to do in the letters… said that it would be a surprise… asked for Kaoru to send him a sign."

"How?" Hikaru asked, and then came up with the answer almost immediately. "He made that up too? Or he was _watching_ us? Kyouya, if there's anything in our _house_-"

"It'll be gone by the time you get back." He assured, folding his arms. "…he thought it was a game. He thought _everything_ was part of their game."

This was too much. Hikaru ran his hands through his hair, pacing. "Did you… watch any of the video clips?" The words stuck in his throat when he could finally speak. Kyouya remained silent – for once, not even meeting his eyes. "Kyouya?"

He shook his head.

"No." He admitted quietly. "I couldn't. I turned it off as soon as I realised what it was and sent it to the experts."

"…thank you." Hikaru whispered, though he wasn't sure what for. It didn't matter anymore, did it? "…when Kaoru mentioned there were cameras I didn't think he meant…"

"No, I don't think any of us did." Kyouya replied. He watched Hikaru pace for a few moments and asked once more, "…are you all right?"

Hikaru gave a hollow bark of a laugh.

"I'm fucking furious, Kyouya." He growled back the same word Kyouya had used before, wandering a few more lengths before he sighed and slumped against the wall. "And…" he sighed. "…I'm scared. I'm scared of what's going to happen now because Kaoru… Kaoru is…" The words wouldn't come out. He couldn't find them. Somehow, he understood just a little why there were times Kaoru just couldn't talk to him. "…Kaoru didn't sleep last night. Wouldn't take anything for the pain. He was so frightened. And the doctor said the other day that he might… _hurt_ himself." He shook his head. "…I hate this. Kaoru's giving up on _me_ and that's the last thing I want. He just needs to rest in peace but he has nightmares all the time that he's too scared to even talk to me about…"

Across the hall, Kyouya studied him carefully.

"Do you think he needs help?"

Hikaru nodded miserably, scrubbing at his cheeks.

"I know who to call. But if he can't even talk to me…" He took a shaky breath. "Kaoru's thinks that _I'm_ giving up on _him_…"

"Are you?"

Hikaru shook his head desperately.

"_No_."

"Then that's a matter between the two of you." Kyouya replied quietly. "We'll all support you as much as you need, but in the end you're the only one who can convince Kaoru he's not alone in this." He looked at him pointedly "But you need to rest when you get home. You're of no use at all in this state."

"Okay." Hikaru nodded finally, trying to pull himself together.

"You still want to go; don't you?"

Hikaru hesitated, then nodded again.

"Yes."

* * *

Half an hour later, he sat in the car by himself in the dark, a tinted window between himself, and their old chauffeur. Another forty five minutes until he'd said he was going to be back, another hour until their parents returned home from work.

Hikaru didn't want to get out just yet. He still had time.

He rubbed his hands across his face, trying to get it all to sink in, everything he'd seen, heard, been told in the past hour or so. The only thing that sunk in was an aching, bone-deep weariness.

He was tired. He was _tired_, and he didn't want to have to think about it anymore.

Looking back on it made his skin crawl. The way he'd stood up and turned around as Hikaru had been escorted in. The way he called out _Kaoru's_ name instead, his words getting tangled up afterwards but the gist being that he'd been convinced, convinced that his lover had escaped the clutches of Hikaru – possessive Hikaru, selfish Hikaru, Hikaru the liar - and come for him.

He reached out through the bars and Hikaru watched him coldly, folded his arms and stayed well back so he couldn't grab a hold.

"Oh. It's you, Nii-chan." He withdrew his hands as soon as he realised it, settled for shuffling further back into the cell.

Hikaru had asked questions. He'd tried to stay calm, tried understand, he'd tried, but all he saw in front of him was a maniac.

Why did he do it?

"It's a game." The response was simple, and so familiar it made him feel sick. It was a response Hikaru had used himself, more times than he could count but never, _never_ in so twisted a context. "A special game just for me and him. For the two of us. He loves to play games." His voice was infuriatingly calm, as if he were speaking to a child. "I was there when you weren't. When you left him alone, I looked out for him. He has all my letters, I know he has them. And you couldn't stand that, could you? You couldn't stand me being there, couldn't stand sharing him with anyone. You couldn't stand that you weren't the one…"

And then. The look in his eyes made fear freeze in Hikaru's guts. Just listening to him speak, listening to the way he rattled off his mangled, obsessive, madman's logic with such certainty… for a split second, maybe, there in that room, somehow…

"You weren't the one who could make him beg for it the way I made him beg."

Somehow… Hikaru became a madman too.

He launched himself at the bars and reached through, shouted and snarled and scratched at him with his arms until he had to be pulled away, tears rolling down his cheeks.

In the silence in the back of the car he doubled over and dashed them away again on his hands, trying to steady himself. Did he understand now? Did he, after meeting the bastard who'd done such appalling things to his baby brother, understand anything of Kaoru had gone through, tied down and trapped and scared in the dark?

No. He didn't _know_. But he knew enough.

* * *

Hikaru opened the bedroom door, and it swung silently open on well-oiled hinges. Neither occupant noticed his presence as he lingered on the threshold: Kaoru – thank God – sleeping peacefully and Haruhi curled up at his side, studying hard. She kept one hand gently clasped around Kaoru's and with the other, turned the pages of her textbook; making careful notes. She glanced up as he stepped into the room, concern crossing her features, and carefully released Kaoru's hand, getting to her feet. Silently she moved to him, taking his hands in hers.

"Hikaru?"

"Tachibana is waiting downstairs to take you home." He spoke almost automatically, barely even looking at her, "He's been driving Kaoru and I since we were kids…"

Haruhi nodded, gently squeezing his hands.

"Kaoru… asked me to leave today's schoolwork. I know it's the least of your worries right now…"

"Has he been okay?" Hikaru asked quietly, his eyes never leaving his sleeping brother. Haruhi glanced back as well.

"He had a few bad dreams," She replied, turning back to him, "But he managed to get back to sleep okay." She hesitated, biting her lip. "If you need anything…"

"Thank you, Haruhi."

She watched him carefully for a few moments before letting go, returning briefly to the bed to return her books to her bag. As she went to the door, she stopped by and touched his shoulder.

"…are you okay?"

Bitterly, he laughed, "No."

"Will you be?"

He didn't respond; and Haruhi let herself out in silence.

Everything caught up with him as he sat down at Kaoru's side. It had been a long day and he'd not really slept for a while himself. Even now, sitting there, he could feel his eyelids dragging closed, slowly, slowly, only to open again as Kaoru breathed softly in, shifting in his sleep before settling down again.

Kyouya had been right before. He couldn't work without sleeping, and he stretched himself out tentatively at his brother's side.

Five minutes. For Kaoru's sake. Just five.

* * *

Parts of his memory seem to come back in his dreams. He doesn't know if that's what makes them more frightening – reliving what he can remember is hard enough. But he doesn't know what his dreams will throw at him next. That's what makes them scarier.

The kiss came first – he remembers now - pressed against the car; body arched uncomfortably back, cloth sliding against the glossy-dark metal. He felt small, pinned by a body larger than his own, tried to fight, thinking desperately that the security cameras would catch the struggle, that someone would come running. His hands held behind him by the weight of their two bodies, uncomfortable, mouth pressed shut against invading lips but trying to fight them and why, why didn't the security guards come?

Hands underneath his clothes, a gasp, a muffled scream as he tried to wrench himself away and ended up sprawled across the back seats of the car. He missed when he tried to kick, struggled as he was pressed into the leather and whimpered as a hand crept up his front to his neck, loosening his tie and dragging it off to use as a makeshift gag…

Oh god oh god oh god.

With a desperate cry, his eyes screwed shut and opened again on another scene.

"Here, my sweet, look here…" He shook his head, biting his lip, hating the way his prone body reflected in the shiny camera lens. "Look how pretty you are…"

A soft cry as he twisted back from the voice, back arching, neck stretching and arms pulling frantically against the restraints. Didn't want to see. Didn't want this. Didn't want to hear the lust fogged voice whispering above him, to feel the weight across his hips, holding him down.

He whimpered, closed his eyes, tried to turn away.

…the cold light of predawn, the ceiling far away but no longer about to swallow him. An eerie silence, almost surreal, but for the tiny part of himself that could still function just enough to tell him how disgusting he was feeling, how used, how filthy.

He tilted his head back, tears rolling into his hair line from the corners of his eyes. It was quiet, but the room still echoed with screams and cries and moans and sobs from hours ago…

When he was finally left to himself, it was cold. With no weight pressing down on his chest to force his aching breaths short, he managed a couple of deep gasps, tears springing back to the corners of his eyes.

With difficulty, he turned his head away – needing to know where his attacker had gone – and squinted through the gloom. His eyes wouldn't focus. His limbs were heavy and his throat ached.

He couldn't understand any of it anymore.

A hint of colour in his limited field of vision caught his eye – there, by the window, illuminated by the first hints of coming sunlight – a smashed, broken mess of wires, and metal, and orange plastic. Beside it, and strewn across the room, torn-up scraps of fabric. Blue and white and black. Evidence.

His eyes fell shut against the spinning of his head, the cold drawing his shaking limbs in. It was too difficult to move by himself, his reactions mostly instinctual.

Just lying there was all he could manage. He lay still, waiting for it to end.

* * *

The quieter nightmares were always the worst ones. Hikaru had learned quickly just from watching Kaoru's responses. At least when his dreams were more physical, he was able to snap himself out of them a little easier. But when he lay still like this, it was often a lot harder to tell Kaoru was even having a nightmare and even harder for him to wake from it – Hikaru had to rely on his knowledge of his brother's movements and expressions, even in his sleep, to be able to tell his rest wasn't peaceful.

"I'm right here…" He remained at his brother's side, gently stroking his arm and murmuring his name, but keeping his distance. Crowding Kaoru wasn't good at all; not right now.

He whimpered softly, curling in on his side and away from Hikaru with a soft sob. Hikaru watched him, his heart constricting in his chest. He hated seeing Kaoru turn away from him, though the reaction usually meant his brother was awake. He just didn't want Hikaru to see how badly the nightmare had upset him.

He continued to stroke Kaoru's arm, looking past him at the digital watch he'd left on the bedside. It was late - he had slept for a few hours since Haruhi had left, and soon after he'd woken their mother had been by to check up on them, closing the curtains before she left. In any case, Kaoru was overdue for his pain meds, if the way his arms wrapped around his chest was any indication.

"Medicine," Hikaru murmured softly, leaning down to stroke back Kaoru's hair and surreptitiously checking his temperature at the same time. Kaoru shook his head, pulling away from him. "Kaoru…"

"I can't." His voice was still a little hoarse, and slightly muffled amidst the blankets. "I can't sleep anymore Hikaru, please…"

"I know…" Hikaru sighed softly, looking down at him. He knew the meds made Kaoru tired, knew his brother didn't want to sleep because of the nightmares he always had. But the last thing he wanted was a repeat of the previous night.

"I just…" Kaoru hesitated, catching his lip between his teeth and immediately regretting it. He winced. "…we need to talk."

"…okay." Hikaru nodded, moving back as Kaoru sat up gingerly, still facing away from him. He reached out to stroke back Kaoru's hair again and Kaoru realised only then that he had no idea what he was going to say once he'd initiated the conversation.

"I…" he shook his head, moving away and trying to figure out what to say, "…I don't want you to feel like you have to stay. I-I mean…" the covers bunched in his hands – the bandages having unravelled again in his sleep – and he resumed biting his lip again, even though it hurt, "…you can go. And… and you don't have to come back."

"…where's this coming from, Kaoru?" Hikaru had fallen still at Kaoru's side, giving him his undivided attention, but his brother's words had staggered him. He shook his head, still unable to understand. "Are you giving up on me?"

A wry laugh as Kaoru rubbed at his eyes.

"No," He whispered, taking as deep a breath as he could manage, "…I just can't see myself ever moving past this, Hikaru. The nightmares won't go away. Everything hurts. And it doesn't get better because I'm scared all the time. Even when you're here I'm scared because I know you can be everything I _need_, but I can't lean on you all the time – Hikaru-" He raised his hands as Hikaru moved closer, trying to hold him off, "Hikaru, I _know_ you. I know that you want to help… I know that you want to wait for me. But if you don't waste your life away waiting for me, you're going to run out of patience."

"Kaoru…"

"_Please_…" His voice came back a little choked, and he grit his teeth, trying to get it under control, "…I have no right to keep you here with me. I don't _want_ to hold you back-"

"Hold me back? Why would you think that?" Hikaru cut in abruptly, reaching for Kaoru's hand. Once again, he pulled away. "Kaoru… did he say that to you?"

"No." Kaoru said again, still struggling to compose himself. "H-he said a lot of stuff, Hikaru, but not this. I-I mean… God. I can barely consider walking around the _house_ right now; never mind leaving it. That doesn't mean you have to be confined here with me. I don't _want_ that for you."

"You want me to leave you behind?" Hikaru slipped off the end of the bed, moving to Kaoru's other side. Kaoru still wouldn't look at him.

"I don't… want you to give up on your own life. Just because mine's a lost cause…"

"…Kaoru…" Hikaru said softly, shaking his head again, "Come on. It's not even been a week, there's no need to think about that yet."

"_I_ need to. If you leave-"

"I'm not _going_ to leave."

"But if you _do_…"

"Kaoru, that's enough."

The words came out a little sharper than he intended and Hikaru closed his eyes, trying to calm down. Kaoru didn't need this. Not now.

"That's enough," he repeated quietly and sat down again, resting his hands on his brother's shoulders. Kaoru tensed, just slightly, but enough for him to notice.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Shh. I'm not angry with you."

"But you should be."

"…_why_?"

"I should have tried harder."

"No, Kaoru. _I_ should have." He sighed deeply, bowing his head and shutting his eyes for a moment. "You've been drifting away from me for a long time."

"But you…"

"This isn't about me, Kaoru," Hikaru cut him off, "Just… stop worrying about me for once."

Resolutely, Kaoru kept his head turned away, and Hikaru gently combed his fingertips through his hair, trying to coax his attention back.

"…when did I lose you?" He asked softly, "When did we start to become separate? When did we stop being us?"

He reacted only by shutting his eyes against the tears threatening to fall. Hikaru continued to stroke his hair.

"Listen to me," he murmured softly close to his brother's ear, keeping him clasped gently close, "Just listen, okay? At least 'til I'm done talking just… let me say this, please.

"I don't care about the future. I don't care about girls. I don't care about dating. . I don't care about what I'm going to be doing years and years from now; I don't even know what I _want_ to do with my life. It doesn't mean anything if you're not there." He hesitated, glancing down at Kaoru. "I want to look after you. Not just because I failed before, not just because I have something to prove. But because I love you. You're not just anyone to me, you know? You're _Kaoru_. You're my baby brother, you're more important than anything, more important than everything else in the world put together. I don't want to lose you. And I don't want you to suffer anymore. Please, Kaoru. Believe me. There isn't a choice to make."

"But-"

"Kaoru. Nothing else matters."

He held still, waiting for Kaoru to protest again if he felt like it, but his brother didn't fight him anymore. Simply held on as if his life depended on it.

"…I thought he was going to kill me," He whispered finally, his forehead pressed against Hikaru's neck. He could feel the way Kaoru's breathing hitched every now and again, and he closed his eyes and let him talk, waiting patiently. "In the end I just… I stopped trying to fight him. I _let_ him…" He whimpered softly, a particularly heavy sob catching in his chest and Hikaru rubbed his back, trying to help the pain subside a little, "I… I let him do what he wanted with me because… because I believed I wouldn't have to think about it anymore… once he was done…" Kaoru swallowed, "I _wanted_ to die. And… and now…"

It was coming. Hikaru knew it probably even before Kaoru did, and just held onto his brother as he gave up trying to speak, braced himself against his chest and began to cry. It hurt - Hikaru knew that, and understood that sometimes Kaoru would be too frightened to speak to him about it at all. But he promised, burying his nose gently in his brother's hair, murmuring softly and holding him close, that he would never leave. As long as it took, as long as Kaoru needed, and even beyond that. He wouldn't ever abandon him.

The choking, aching sobs began to subside, gradually petering out into soft sniffles, Kaoru's hands bunching in Hikaru's shirt. He rocked with him slowly, trying to soothe him. It was good that Kaoru was letting go a little, but Hikaru hated that he had to cope with both the physical _and_ the emotional pain.

"Do you want to sleep?" he asked, gently drying the tears from Kaoru's cheeks.

"…I'll try." He acquiesced, his voice still a little weak, and pulled away from him ever so slightly. "There's a lot of stuff in my head and I think… I need help," He admitted quietly. "Will you… help me get it?"

"In the morning," Hikaru promised, reaching for the painkillers on the bedside table. Too tired to move, Kaoru watched him, accepting Hikaru's help with the medication and closing his eyes in exhaustion as Hikaru laid him down, tidying the bandages and tucking the blankets around him.

One hand slipped out from beneath the bedcovers to take hold to Hikaru's.

"…don't leave me?"

Hikaru rested a hand on Kaoru's cheek, leaning down to place a tender kiss on his forehead.

"Never."


	11. Epilogue

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran or its characters, and am making no profit from this fic.

**Noro:** ...so between exams, webfail and theatre... yeah, it's been ages since my last update. It wasn't my initial plan to leave this until August, but it's late July as I'm writing this, and I figure it would be nice to post it on the anniversary of the first post of the fic.

It's an epilogue, so it's short. I'll take the opportunity now to say thank you for sticking with me for the past year, and for all the wonderful reviews. It'd be great to hear from you once more - and if I don't get another fic out, everyone take care :)

* * *

The weeks fell by once they were suddenly occupied. They – because Hikaru was always with him – attended therapy twice a week. They picked small goals, knowing they wouldn't achieve them all at first. But as they reached each goal – first getting out of the house, even if it was only as far as the terrace – things began to look more and more positive.

It was no longer just Hikaru reassuring, "You can do this." It was Kaoru whispering back, "I think I can."

It was their world again, and it was a safe place to retreat to. Outside of their world things were moving at a pace standard for legal proceedings. It was two months before the trial date itself was set, and Kyouya carefully approached Kaoru about testifying.

It wasn't _necessary_. Kyouya's lawyers were confident that in the face of the overwhelming evidence against them, their opponents wouldn't be able to put together a decent defense short of pleading insanity.

But Hikaru understood what Kyouya was doing – so he said nothing when Kaoru glanced back at him, uncertain, simply squeezed his brother's hand, "I'll be here, no matter what. You know that."

He agreed, though he was understandably reluctant to give evidence in person – being in the same room as his attacker was a step he couldn't take yet. The press, Kyouya had added, would be swarming all over the case – although Kaoru was protected against being directly identified there was nothing that would stop them from dropping blatant hints.

Essentially the method was already decided. All Kyouya had been waiting for was Kaoru's say so.

His nightmares had never really gone away, and if anything in the run-up to the trial date they got worse. Hikaru was half-tempted to get Kyouya to call it all off – Kaoru had been getting better, he didn't need to make himself sick over this - but he tried to reassure himself that once his attacker had been put away, Kaoru would find it easier to move on, to put everything behind him.

He was still writing him letters. Even in his cell, even then, even though they were being confiscated rather than posted. Kyouya's police had them all.

Kaoru knew. He'd asked.

The hardest part was that Hikaru wasn't allowed to be present for the proceedings. Various court officials invaded their home to set up the video link for the trial, and he was left outside the room they had chosen, waiting for it to finish, running through the questions the lawyer had cleared with Kaoru a couple of days before. They weren't the problem. The defense's questions were a little shakier, and despite their attempts to prepare for them Hikaru knew, KNEW that they would sting.

The door burst open once they were finished – the jury having gone out on the other side of town. That was it, he reassured Kaoru against his shoulder, there was nothing more he needed to do. They just had to wait. He didn't ask about the questions, if Kaoru was all right, because he clearly wasn't. He just provided himself to lean against; his arms to hold Kaoru even after he'd stopped shaking.

It didn't take long at all for a message to come through from Kyouya – the jury had found him guilty and awarded the maximum prison sentence.

Kaoru pulled away and ran upstairs, locking the bedroom door behind him. Hikaru kept knocking until it was clear Kaoru wasn't going to open the door – he sat down outside and waited again.

There was a sealed envelope sitting on the table when he entered. Kaoru was curled up on his bed, one of his cushions clutched tight against his chest.

"That… needs to go to Kyouya." He said quietly as Hikaru sat down on the edge of the bed. "He knows where to take it."

Hikaru nodded, gently tugging the cushion from Kaoru's grip and folding him in an embrace.

"We're going to be okay." He murmured, rubbing Kaoru's back in gentle circles. Kaoru nodded, pressing his face into his shoulder.

"...I know."

* * *

They slept late into the following morning – it was the first night in a while that Kaoru had had an uninterrupted night's sleep and Hikaru was loathe to wake him and sooner. In the end it wasn't Hikaru who woke him, but Yuzuha who peered around their door almost tentatively.

She knew before they did. But it was Kyouya who came to break the news to them in person.

Suicide.

He held onto Kaoru – though he didn't seem fazed – as Kyouya explained. The attacker had written one final letter, then ripped apart his bed sheets to hang himself with.

Kaoru hadn't wanted to see the letter. The trial was done with. His attacked was gone. All he had left to do was heal.

As Kyouya left, Hikaru saw Kaoru's glance stray to the table where he'd left the letter. When the door had closed behind their visitor, Hikaru took a gentle hold of Kaoru's shoulders and turned him towards him.

"The letter." He began quietly, looking into Kaoru's eyes, "…what did you write in the letter?"

Kaoru sighed shakily, running a hand through his hair and slumping onto the bed, head bowed. Quietly, he replied,

"…I told him that I never loved him."


End file.
